December 4, 2013 Wednesday Evening, Consciousness and Its Objects Class
Discussion of Meditation Practice, Pure Awareness, Unconditioned, Citta, Tonglen
Barbara speaking (not a formal talk) about vipassana and pure awareness.
Barbara: For me, there’s not a big difference between pure awareness and vipassana. The difference relates to effort. I do not “do” pure awareness practice; I simply rest in pure awareness. If I try to do it, there’s no access to pure awareness. Often when I start my daily practice, it’s just barely daylight and there’s a little light. I sit in front of a window. I just sit. I’m not doing, I’m just sitting, watching the interplay of light and the tree branches blowing a little bit, maybe some snowflakes drifting past, a small chipmunk on my deck. Not thinking “chipmunk, chipmunk, movement, movement,” just (demonstrating). My eyes are open, because my eyes want to be open to take all of this in. I bring it all into me and I breathe it back out into all of it. There’s no separation. From that place of spaciousness I pick myself up and go and light my candles, and sit in front of my altar and close my eyes. Now, why do I light my candles if I’m going to close my eyes? I’ve always wondered that! It’s the ritual, almost a form of prayer, making this offering of light. Then I close my eyes.
Another metaphor for my practice that comes to me is, we’ve all watched fireworks. And usually a fireworks display is pow! pow! pow!, very little time between them. But can you imagine a fireworks display where one big pow! comes up and the light’s moving—seeing, seeing, light, color, movement, sound. And then it fades away and there’s just black, clear skies. Nothing is popping in and out. It’s still and spacious. The big quality of spaciousness.
Resting in that spaciousness, mind is not saying, “When is the next fireworks going to go off?” Just, resting in spaciousness, whether it’s 10 seconds or 10 minutes. Just being there with that enormous space. And then, pow! Seeing. Here’s an object. Because it’s a strong object, it pulls my attention and I move to it; a body sensation or thought, perhaps. I move back into a vipassana practice, seeing deeply into the nature of this particular experience. Here a firework, or there an itch, or a cat jumping on my lap, or whatever it might be. Contact. Mind making contact. Body making contact. An object presenting itself. Pleasant, unpleasant, or neutral? Am I contracting into a separate self in relationship to it, or is there still spaciousness? I watch it fade away, and then I rest in the spaciousness. So there’s no, “This is vipassana, that’s pure awareness.” but just the constant mingling of the two.
However, the stage of vipassana that we call access concentration is something to which one might hold intention, especially during a retreat. For there to be access concentration, there has to be a more sustained focus. Some of the commentaries use of metaphor of starting a fire by rolling a stick of wood. If you say, “No, I’m going to get that fire going!”, after 10 minutes you’re exhausted and you still haven’t gotten a spark to hold. There is too much effort. If you say, “Well, I’ll just do it slow like this,” (rolling hands very slow) you could do it all day like that but you’re not going to ignite the spark. So it’s finding that balanced effort. The degree of focus we can sustain, really watching each object arising and passing away, knowing any kind of reactive self that gets caught up in it, and just seeing that self or reaction as another object, until the whole thing is just one series of objects after another—physical, mental, emotional, just arising and passing away. It becomes so clear: this is not of the nature of a separate self. It’s all arising from conditions, all impermanent.
Then there is the next step, the scriptures call it “Change of Lineage Knowledge,” in a series of knowledges and insights. In Change of Lineage moment there’s the realization, what I am seeking, the awakening I am seeking, the knowing of my true nature that I’m seeking, is not to be found in watching this whole conditioned realm. Finally at that point we let go of the conditioned realm and just break through into this vastness. But it’s more accessible because we’ve been doing that on and off as pure awareness practice.*(see attachment at end; this is long and precise; reading is very optional)
So, using the fireworks example again, the fireworks and then the space and then the fireworks and then the space. And then there’s strong access concentration, one object after another. And finally that moment of just letting it all go. At that point we are able to touch the Unconditioned. Pure awareness is one doorway to the Unconditioned. The vipassana practice is a different doorway to the Unconditioned. But the noting aspect of the vipassana practice is an insufficient doorway to the Unconditioned. Vipassana must go past that to open to the Unconditioned. When we take spaciousness itself as an object, we can realize the Unconditioned. There are other paths with vipassana, but this is one, So it’s this balance of both that allows us to have that deeper experience of the opening to the Unconditioned.
That’s all. Are there questions about what I just said?
Q: So when you talk about resting in spaciousness, is that pure awareness?
Barbara: Yes. Just resting there is one way of practicing pure awareness. It’s not the season for it right now, but lie out on the ground under the trees. If there’s a slightly warmer day or you have a deck, wrap up in a blanket. Just lie there. Watch the clouds going by. Watch the tree branches blowing. Even for 10 minutes. Don’t do anything; just lie there.
I lead a retreat with Aaron and John once a year in North Carolina on the shore, Emerald Isle retreat. Every morning we meditate on the beach at 6:30am. We have a number of sittings on the beach but I love this early one, with the dawn. We just sit, eyes open, watch the waves coming in, going back, coming in and going back. And then we may shift; people do this individually; you may be sitting with your eyes open, you may close your eyes. When your eyes are closed, you still hear the waves. So there are objects, visual, auditory, and other sensory objects, and spaciousness, because you’re looking out to sea and there’s this vast sky and vast ocean. It’s a wonderful place to practice.
It’s a week-long retreat, and we do a lot of mingling of pure awareness and vipassana practice. But you don’t have to be on an ocean shore to do it. It’s a nice place to do it, but you don’t have to be there to do it.
Q: I understood you to say, don’t go back and forth between pure awareness and vipassana.
Barbara: When I say don’t go back and forth, I mean don’t make a decision, “Now I’m going to do vipassana,” and then five minutes later say, “Now I’m going to do pure awareness…. Now I’ve done pure awareness for three minutes, it’s time to go back to vipassana.” You’re not going back and forth, in what I’m describing, you’re simply present with what is. And sometimes the predominant object is a mundane object and vipassana is a suitable way of being present with that mundane object. Sometimes the predominant object is spaciousness, nada, energy or light and we just rest in pure awareness, touching on that object. But there’s not a conscious decision about moving back and forth.
Q: Is there a way to encourage or develop luminosity, more than nada?
Barbara: Not really. Some people experience luminosity strongly; others experience nada or energy or spaciousness. Whatever is there is fine. There is nothing better about luminosity than something else.
Q: When my eyes are closed and I concentrate, I take spaciousness as an object. Is that pure awareness also?
Barbara: It’s probably pure awareness that’s taking the spaciousness as its object as opposed to mundane consciousness. It’s all consciousness; mundane, supramundane. I like the word citta because it’s so precise. Kuttara citta, mundane citta. The mundane citta that are capable of perceiving a mundane object. And lokuttara citta, the citta that are capable of perceiving a supramundane object. But it’s not in here or out there, it’s rather like one spectrum.
Imagine I am sitting in a boat and looking down ten feet. The water is perfectly clear, so I can see the water and the fish swimming by near the surface and far below and see the bottom. But if the water is cloudy, I only see the top six inches. The bottom is still there. At that moment, I’m not capable of perceiving the bottom because the water is cloudy. Metaphorically, the water clarifies as the whole sense of a separate self settles, and I rest increasingly in this spaciousness of being, in Awareness. Then that awareness can perceive the supramundane objects. And the Unconditioned is the height of the supramundane.
The direct experience of the Unconditioned, what is that? We talk about luminosity, nada, spaciousness, but what is the Unconditioned? What is it? There’s no way to verbalize it. If you’ve experienced it, if you’ve touched it, you also cannot verbalize it, but you understand it. An example that’s used is, if you’ve never tasted honey and you ask me what does honey taste like. I can’t explain it to you, but if I give you just that tiny taste of honey on the tip of your tongue, you know what honey tastes like. It’s different than having mouthfuls of honey, but you still know what it tastes like. So you get a taste of it as spaciousness or nada or luminosity and gradually you begin to know, “Ah, this is the Unconditioned.” These are direct expressions of the Unconditioned. If I am near the ocean and smell the salt air or hear the waves, I know the ocean is near. I am not yet swimming in it but I know it’s near because of the expressions.
There are experiences that come with it, of joyfulness, lightness of being, space, ease, completely free of contraction. There’s no sense of a self, no sense of separation between a “me” and anything else. Yet there is ability to attend to the world. If I have a glass of tea and I spill it, I take a towel and clean it up. But there’s no “self” cleaning it up. There’s just total ease and relationship with everything. Obviously we don’t live that 24/7. But the memory of it stays with us solidly enough that we start to see when we’re not living from that space, when we’re living again from this solid self. And, “Hmm, wait a minute. Is that how I want to live? Can I come back into this core of my being, into this centered space?”
There is a beautiful poem from Hongzai, an 8th century zen master, from his book, “Cultivating the Empty Field.” I’m going to paste it here.
Simply Drop Off Everything
Silently dwell in the self, in true suchness abandon conditioning. Open minded and bright without defilement, simply penetrate and drop off everything. Today is not your first arrival here. Since the ancient home before the empty kalpa, clearly nothing has been obscured. Although you are inherently spirited and splendid, still you must go ahead and enact it. When doing so, immediately display every atom without hiding a speck of dirt. Dry and cool in deep repose, profoundly understand. if your rest is not satisfying and you yearn to go beyond birth and death, there can be no such place. Just burst through and you will discern without thought-dusts, pure without reasons for anxiety. Stepping back with open hands, (giving up everything) is thoroughly comprehending life and death. Immediately you can sparkle and respond to the world. Merge together with all things. Everywhere is just right. Accordingly we are told that from ancient to modern times all dharmas are not concealed, always apparent and exposed.
I am thinking about something that may or may not make sense to any of you, but it’s something I just learned this afternoon, and it was very powerful. Some friends suggested I take some private Feldenkrais classes. I’ve had three classes now. The teacher, Dale Jensen, has worked with me three hours, three different weeks. I don’t know how to explain what he’s doing. Body energy, movement, it’s all of that. Just very subtle movements. But he had me moving my leg, lying on my back and just lifting this hip a little bit. Feeling the energy come across. And then the same on the other side. Feeling like a pole is running down the center of my body.
It suddenly struck me, as I was doing that, “Oh, that’s resting in the Unconditioned. And when I walk, I’m walking from the self, and bouncing back and forth.” And so I got up and I walked across the room, and I said to him, “I think I’ve got it. Can I walk?” (demonstrating) I don’t know if I can do it now. Can I come into this centered space and walk from this centered space, holding my balance from this centered space, with nobody trying to do that? I found it’s given me, just in these brief few hours, a very different balance, because this is the Unconditioned, this core. Instead of this… (demonstrating) I’ll report further in two weeks. Very startling observation for me. (added while reviewing the transcript; it gets better and better; clearer and clearer. My walk and balance are suddenly very different.)
Q: Moishe Feldenkrais called it the elusive obvious. It’s right there.
Barbara: Others?
Q: I have a question related to the tonglen practice, also related to the idea that we’re all one. I’ll try to be succinct. A few years ago I had an energy work session with Norma Gentile, who came to the workshops. She helped me to feel how I was carrying an energetic burden, you could say, for my mother. It wasn’t really mine. So I decided to let it go. So I just did that. It was very good for me. It felt like I could feel my own lightness of being in a way that felt healthy and right. And my mother also reported, unbeknownst about this, that she was just crying buckets of tears every day. I think those were the ones I had been carrying for her and let go.
So back to the idea of tonglen. When we breathe in the troubles of another person and then bring our compassionate awareness or just our loving open heart to that, I am aware that I don’t want to take on other people’s troubles in that way. I think I’m a lot better at it now, about maintaining some kind of healthy interaction and compassion, but I don’t know how to… this week I learned about a friend who was in great, serious trouble, actually feeling suicidal. And I felt very, very, very depressed this week in a way I don’t think I have ever felt. I’ve wondered if I was taking that on for her in a way that was not really serving me or her. So I want to know how to do that skillfully, that tonglen. And I wonder if you have any advice.
Barbara: Tonglen, we’re not just imagining taking this on, we’re actually doing it. And everything in us says, “No, I don’t want that!” This is the whole ego story. If we’re totally connected to everyone and everything, we already have that. It’s just denial that says, “No, it’s their problem, not mine.” But we have the power energetically to let it touch our hearts, transform our hearts with compassion, and then release it. The release is a vital part of it, and people forget that.
I learned this in a hard way, probably over 20 years ago. A friend who was very sick, had had some abdominal surgery. It wasn’t healing. He was walking around with all kinds of tubes and things, he was in a lot of pain, and he came to see me and Aaron. In those days Aaron did not incorporate as he does now, it was more consciousness channeling and I was more aware of what was going on. He was talking and I could feel his pain, his despair. “My life is gone. I don’t know what to do.” I was doing tonglen with him, really breathing in this pain, but not fully releasing it. Sending him love, completely, but not fully releasing.
The next day I came down with a twisted intestine that put me in the hospital for two weeks. And he was better! He called the next day. I was so sick; I was heading to the ER. I answered the phone, and he said, “I don’t know what happened yesterday, but I’m all better.” Well, at some level I did take it into myself. And eventually I released it and it healed. But there was no need for me to get that sick; he still would have healed. It was his readiness to let go of this. I supported that release by being able to openheartedly bring it into myself and then release it. But it must be released!
Here’s another story. I was teaching tonglen at a week-long retreat at a Catholic retreat center in Minnesota. Almost all the retreatants were Catholic monks and nuns. They had really never done vipassana practice before, but they took to it like the proverbial ducks to water. They loved the practice. There was one woman who sat all hunched up, doing her vipassana but stooped way over. She was sitting in a chair. I walked around the room and I would straighten her body up, and two minutes later she was down like this again.
She came to talk to me in a private meeting, and talked about the very severe childhood abuse she had suffered. And you could see it in her defended posture. She was probably in her 70s. I introduced her to tonglen, breathing in light and sending it out to her childhood self. Breathing in the suffering of that self, and because she’s a Christian nun, releasing it to Jesus. I just said, “Feel his presence there and ask him to take this pain.” She said, “Won’t it hurt him?” How could it hurt him? He has the power to just release it. It’s just energy. Let it go. You’re not poisoning anybody with it. It’s just the act of deciding, “I’ve carried this long enough. I let it go.”
Two nights later, quite late at night, my door cracked open. A face looked in. “Are you still up?” “Yes.” She came in beaming, and standing straight. And she just said, “Jesus took it.” The rest of the week, she was sitting so straight and open. Her whole energy changed. She went on a mission. She spent a year traveling all over the country sharing the tonglen practice at Catholic convents with other nuns.
Just release it. Aren’t you tired of carrying it? Release it. When you breathe in their suffering, it’s not their suffering, it’s the suffering. We’re breaking the habit of so many lifetimes by saying, “Okay, I will let myself be touched with this suffering. I won’t try to keep it away from me. I’ll really let it touch me. And let my heart literally transmute it into joy and ease, and release the heaviness.” Just send it out. Release it.
Q: Okay, I’ll try. Thank you.
Barbara: But you have to release. You can’t do it from an ego saying, “Now I’m going to take this into me. I’ll be a martyr, I’ll carry it.”
I want to share something with all of you. This has been very important for me, the past two weeks. A friend shared with me about friends and people he knows who were in a refugee camp in Iraq. They had been promised refuge there, but then the U.N. pulled out, and they started to be persecuted– violence, killed, I don’t know what terrible forms of violence, and some of them taken as hostages, tortured and so forth. Now a large group of them were on a hunger strike asking for UN protection and the release of the hostages. The hunger strike has lasted for about three months now, and people are dying.. He sent me pictures of these people.
I have not felt so helpless in a long time, and I asked, what can I really do to transform this? Is there anything I can do? I’ve been holding these people—I have pictures of about 20 people and also a video that he sent me of the opposition coming in and literally shooting people, often in the head as they were forced to kneel, watching them shooting people; pictures of the dead person and what they looked like before their death. Who they were; a little about them. I’ve been watching this almost daily as part of my spiritual practice, and just doing tonglen with it. It felt like the only thing I knew to do. Also, for those of you for whom it’s meaningful, I sent a picture through my friend Heather, to the Casa. She was as moved as I was by these people’s plight, and took the picture to the Entity, who said, “I will help.” I’m not sure what “I will help” will mean. I don’t know what their help will look like, whether it means saving the people or helping them just find ease with their martyrdom.
But it’s been very powerful because I realized these two weeks that I really have to do this from a place that’s very clear of ego. There can’t be any self that’s trying to save people. There can’t be anyone trying to fix things. I found after the first few days, looking at the video and these people shooting other people, that I had to do the tonglen with the people who were shooting, as well as the people who were being shot. How do we hold all of this in our hearts? It’s been a real challenge for me, and a very powerful practice. So I just wanted to share that. I would be happy to share this information with anybody who wants it. I will not send it to you unless you email me and request it. But some of you might like to do tonglen with these people too.
(session ends)
(from Barbara during the transcript review. I just received this information; please keep this in your prayers)
December 9, 2013
Iraq must reveal fate of missing Iran exiles: UN experts
Geneva – UN rights experts demanded Monday that Baghdad get to the bottom of what happened to seven Iranian opposition members missing since a September attack on a refugee camp in Iraq.
“We call upon the government of Iraq to speed up the investigations in order to disclose the fate and whereabouts of the individuals,” the United Nations Working Group on Enforced or Involuntary Disappearances said in a statement.
The seven Iranian exiles — six of them women — are members of the People’s Mujahedeen Organisation of Iran (PMOI) and disappeared after a September 1 attack in Camp Ashraf, northeast of Baghdad.
The UN experts lamented that the facts of what happened had yet to be clearly established three months after the attack that left 52 people dead.
The PMOI charges that Iraqi security forces answering to Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki were behind the killings. Iraqi authorities blame PMOI infighting.
The UN experts did not explicitly take sides, but did make reference to the allegations against the Iraqi security forces.
“All of those killed reportedly died as a consequence of gunshot wounds, mainly in the head or neck, (and) a number of those killed were found with their hands tied, an act apparently committed prior to their deaths,” Monday’s statement added.
The experts also voiced concern that the seven missing camp residents might be forcibly returned to Iran, where they could risk persecution or ill-treatment — something that would be a violation of international law.
They urged Iraqi authorities “to take all necessary measures to clarify the whereabouts of the missing individual, guarantee their safety and rights and prevent their extradition to Iran”.
The PMOI was founded in the 1960s to oppose the shah of Iran and later the country’s clerical rulers.
The group set up camp in Iraq during Saddam Hussein’s war with Iran in the 1980s, but was disarmed after the US-led invasion of Iraq in 2003 toppled Hussein, and today’s Shia-majority and Iran-friendly government in Baghdad is eager to see it move elsewhere.
Many of the camp’s residents have already been relocated to Camp Liberty, a former US military base on the outskirts of Baghdad, but the PMOI has raised alarm about safety there.
Scores of PMOI members have been killed in over a dozen attacks on their camps since US troops withdrew from Iraq at the end of 2011.