May 10, 2017 Wednesday Evening with Aaron
Finding Spaciousness with Contraction
Living our true and unlimited nature; how to live lovingly with painful experiences;
Jeshua on “Blessed are the poor in spirit”
Group has been singing “When You Walk Through a Storm” at Aaron’s invitation.
Aaron: (smiling, to transcriber) J, you have just been spared a rendition with my voice and others of “When You Walk Through a Storm”. I think you did not miss much!
What does this song have to do with my talk tonight? Hope, love, joy, gratitude— when we hold these beautiful emotions, what happens to the energy field? When you are caught up in fear, anger, negativity, what happens to your energy field?
I’d like you all to think of something that brings worry, that brings sadness, anger or fear. Just let your mind rest on it for a minute, some challenge in a personal relationship, some challenge your body is presenting you. Feel the tension about, “How do I fix this?” or “Why is this happening to me?” Can you feel what happens to the body when mind moves into this pattern?
The habitual pattern you have as mammals is to contract when something is challenging to you, when it’s unpleasant, or it brings pain. The mammal armors itself or flees. This is its habitual tendency, and there is nothing wrong with that tendency. But if you make a sudden noise among wildlife, it will tense up and then it will run. When you thusly armor yourself, it protects you, or you have the illusion that it protects you, and it cuts off your energy so that your beautiful light cannot flow out. It puts you into armor. Think of the turtle, head all pulled in, peering out a little bit. He hopes he is invulnerable. But especially if he pulls his feet and his head in, he can’t experience much of the world.
As you matured, and when you came into human incarnation, there was a certain point in your incarnate process where you came to the agreement with your loving guides, “In this lifetime I am going to be more open. I’m going to trust that I am safe in the world.” By being safe in the world, I don’t mean you’re going to say, “Oh, I’m safe,” and walk out into the middle of the superhighway. We use reason along with the heart. Safety means that you know you came into the incarnation with the intention to do certain loving work within the incarnation and not to harm yourself or to harm others; to keep the heart open and connected.
If you’re not connected, how can you communicate? So when the heart stays open with the many loving traits that are possible— joy, generosity, gratitude, loving kindness, peacefulness, when the heart stays open, and there is a remembering you are these traits, then you can connect energetically, and this connection actually helps you to be safer in the world.
You are projecting that essence of light that you are, and simultaneously you are, I’m not sure if repelling is the best word, but perhaps, repelling negativity that’s thrown at you. It’s like the love and light that you are form a fully transparent screen very unlike armor, within which nothing can come into you and nothing can go out. When you have a layer of light, of love, of joy, it all can pour out. But because negativity is afraid of and very uncomfortable around light, joy, and love, when negative barbs are thrown on you, they slide off. They don’t really reach you because your love protects you.
The hardest part for the human is to remember not to engage in the habitual pattern of contracting around fear, around pain, and so forth, but calling up the true light and love that you are and using that as your armor, as your protection.
I’ve previously talked about the distinction between armoring and shielding. Armor is the turtle encased in his heavy shell. The shield is the umbrella that you put up when it rains and then lower when the storm is past. When you feel negativity coming to you from somewhere, it’s skillful to pull up this shield of love and light. This act comes from a place of trust of yourself and trust of your true essence as light. That love is what protects you. People have asked me many times, “Does God protect me?” Love protects you. We might say God is love. I don’t mean a personification of God, but the love in your heart, that which is radiant and so beautiful in you, this is what protects you.
Now I’d like you to imagine something with me. I’d asked you to imagine yourself in something that was painful to you right now, a painful relationship or work situation, or body pain or emotional pain, and watch the way you contract when you think of it. Now hold that pain in your hands. Instead of trying to push it away, hold it. Say with me, “Breathing in, I am aware of the pain. Breathing out, I hold space for the pain.” Bring it into your heart. You can feel the resistance, “No, I don’t want that to touch me.” Gently bring the pain into your heart.
“Thank you, thank you for this catalyst, this uncomfortable body, this uncomfortable relationship.” Instead of ‘Get out of here!’, “thank you. Thank you, teacher, thank you.”
Some weeks ago I gave the talk; “that which we do not love comes as teacher.” So instead of saying, “Why is this happening to me?” and armoring the self, can we just say thank you? Then the second step, to realize that on one level this catalyst exists. We don’t deny it. On another level, we’re already free of it.
Barbara’s had an interesting experience the past 10 days. At the Emerald Isle retreat, I think because of pollen from a distant state and to which her body did not have many immunities, she started to develop a spring hay fever; itchy eyes, runny nose. Not a cold, just discomfort, and especially it settled in her eyes. Now, her eyes are vital to her, so when anything is uncomfortable in her eyes, fear comes up. She said to me, “What shall I do, Aaron?” I said, just close your eyes and envision the ever-perfect eyes. Envision them healthy. Each time fear comes up, just say, “Thank you.” It comes as teacher. That means there is something about your relationship with your eyes that is still not completely healed; that there’s still some of the old fear, because you are deaf, what if something happened to the eyes? A very subtle level of fear. At the same time, I said go to the pharmacy and ask them for some good eyedrops for allergies.
There are portions of days or whole days when the eyes feel fine and she forgets about it. Then the eyes become itchy and red again. Tension, “What’s happening to my eyes!” Stop. Remember the eyes that are perfect, right there. Attend to the itching; use the eyedrops. Rest the eyes. And then let go of the fear. Holding onto fear only invites the escalation of the allergy and discomfort. Let it go. But also, praise the eyes. Spend as much time as possible looking out on the beautiful landscape, the flowering trees and shrubs. And instead of thinking, “pollen, hay fever,” think, “Ah, so beautiful! Exquisite! Thank you!”
When she remembers to keep her heart open and say thank you for the beauty around her, the itchiness almost immediately dissolves. She really becomes immune at some level to the pollen. But as soon as she contracts with, “What’s happening to my eyes?”, the eyes have less energy and they become more and more uncomfortable.
Look at this in your own life. It may not be about hay fever. It may be about somebody at work who is a total nuisance, always pushing at you. It may be about the pain in your back, or something else. Are you relating to that particular pain by armoring yourself so that light cannot reach you, and your love and light cannot go out? Or are you responding to it by, “Thank you, teacher. I will open my heart. I will trust. I will know that this situation is for the highest good, and I will look to understand the highest good in this situation. If there is fear, I will acknowledge the fear but not get caught up in the stories of the fear. But rather, thank you, fear. You also have come as teacher. It all works perfectly.”
Let’s take a little trip together. Come with me into a cave. We’re going to explore. It’s a guided tour. There are big searchlights as you wander through several miles of caves. There is a clear pathway, marked with a thin layer of spray paint, just a thin line, so it’s easy to find the path. Sometimes you must duck down, sometimes the path is in a big open space. Beautiful sights.
It was stormy when you went into the cave, but once inside, no problem with the weather. You don’t know what it’s doing out there now. But suddenly, in the middle of your guide’s talk, the lights go out. You have in your bag a very small and dim flashlight. It will show you 3 or 4 feet distance from you. The guide has a small flashlight. Several other people do too, or have these phones that light up. But basically, there you are in the dark.
An hour goes by, two hours go by. The energy in these devices is fading. It’s getting darker and darker. You are at least an hour’s walk from the entrance, and you notice that it’s getting cold. Everybody had huddled together in one spot. You had not risked walking. Everybody was sitting down. The guide said, “Just sit here and relax. Eventually they’ll get it fixed.” But there could be a hurricane out there. It could be two days. You don’t know. What will happen to you? Some of you, most of you, are feeling the contraction. Two of you are saying, “Oooh! This feels like a big adventure! This feels like fun!” Well, I’ll have to find a different adventure for those two of you. For the rest of you, can you feel the contraction? There in the dark cave, no lights. Where am I? Will we be safe? It’s not a big group, you have a guide and a half dozen other people. We’re not talking about a group of a hundred.
Pause and see how your body feels. Can you feel the contraction in your body? Can you feel tension? Can you feel that?
No longer completely relaxed. You’re all sitting there. One wise person in the group says, “We are all afraid, but here we are together and we know where we are, we just don’t know clearly how to get out. Can we invite in joy? What an unusual opportunity. Let’s turn our torches off. How seldom do we have an opportunity to be in a completely dark and quiet place. How does it feel?”
Of course it’s not quiet. When you allow yourself to listen, there’s the drip, drip, drip of water somewhere. There may be bats flying in the distance. Not exactly inspiring joy for some of you. Just sitting here. Breathing deeply. Saying thank you. Bring your hands together and feel the energy that comes. Can you stay contracted when you bring your hands together? “Thank you. Thank you.” Deep breath, one hand over the heart. “Thank you.”
I want you to see if you can feel the shift in energy as the contraction lessens. The body opens, the heart opens. “Thank you, thank you.” Can you feel the difference? Some of you yes, some not sure. Try a little more “Thank you”! Really appreciate the darkness.
The guide was carrying a big basket, and you didn’t know why. He says to you, “I have a blanket for each of you,” and he hands it out to you. You can wrap yourself in it. “For each of you, here is box of fruit juice. Your choice: an apple or a granola bar.”— a candy bar; what would you like? Receive what it is you desire. Can you feel the opening as you say thank you for these small pleasures that help you feel more comfortable? Wrap up in the blanket. Feel the warmth it gives you. The cave was very cold. While you were walking it didn’t bother you, but now, after an hour of sitting, you’re shivering. “Thank you, thank you.”
Now here’s another surprise. Your guide pulls out a small gas cylinder that will burn, he tells you, for 6 hours, and lights it, and it’s a heater. It doesn’t give off a lot of light, just a localized light, but it pours heat out into the space. Can you feel it warming you? Can you feel your energy field opening? “Thank you.” Feel the contrast between the self, contracted and shivering, and the self that is warming, opening, with a soft blanket wrapped around you, sitting by the heater.
Your guide knows you’re in a very big cavern so he pulls out one more surprise. He walks a small distance away and returns with kindling and firewood. He says, “We’ve stockpiled these throughout the cave,” He starts to build a bonfire. He turns off the gas heater, as the fire lights up. You have light. You can see the fire bouncing off some of the distant walls and ceiling. You can feel the warmth. You can see the line that led you in and will lead you out. The guide pulls out a book, maybe Mark Twain andThe Adventures of Huckleberry Finn. Reading about Huck Finn in the cave. A good story.
Sitting by the fire, something to eat and drink, warming up, can you feel how fear resolves? Nothing has really changed in your situation. You still don’t know what’s happening outside. Maybe a bomb fell; who knows what happened. Here you are, in this moment safe and comfortable in the cave with friends, warmth, a blanket, substantial food. One of you might ask the guide, what will happen when this food runs out, when the firewood runs out. He points to a big pile of firewood, and next to it a big trunk. And he says that’s all filled with food and water. We have enough food here for all of us for 2 weeks. Ahhh… can you feel the tension draining away? You may not like being trapped in the cave, but can you feel the tension draining away?
A few of you are very focused on, “But I’m still stuck in the cave,” and still holding on to the tension. What’s the difference between being stuck in the cave and choosing to be in the cave? Consider that this was a surprise overnight in the cave. You didn’t know it when you signed up, but here you are. He tells you, “I’ve got air mattresses and sleeping bags; we’re all set.”
What I want you to feel is the distinction between contraction based on fear, that based on discomfort, that based on the idea of “my needs may not be met”, or just, “I don’t like this. I don’t want this.”, and the spaciousness which can come without any major change in circumstances.
Contracting, expanding…
Can any of you remember being young and the delight you felt on a rainy day, to pull on your rubbers and raincoats and go outdoors to splash in puddles? Can anyone remember that? You, out there, wave your hand if you can remember that. Puddle-splashing. When is the last time any of you chose to go out in the rain and splash in a puddle? Has anyone done that in the past year? Wonderful, thank you! What have the rest of you lost? “Oh, it’s raining.” Not, “Oh, rain! Let’s go splash!” The sense of joy, of playfulness, this is what can transform your experience from something dreadful to something that’s truly joyful.
A friend was describing to me a few weeks ago an unexpected and unwanted trip to the ER. A friend drove her there. She was in pain, she was afraid. She decided that she had a choice, to continue expanding the stories of fear, or to stop and be mindful of what was happening in each moment. So they took her in. They made her comfortable in a room. They did some tests. She was warm, she was wrapped up in a heated blanket. And people started coming in to talk to her. She noticed when she was afraid, they came in for the shortest possible time: answered her question, did the test and left. But when she began to smile at people and say, “Thank you; how are you?” —they’d say, “How are you?”, “Well, I’m doing okay. How are you? Is the hospital very crowded today? Are you very busy? What kind of day are you having?” And the staff would stop and talk to her. People sat down and talked to her. They started to tell her stories, to share from their hearts with her. She learned wonderful things about some of the staff— where they were from, what they loved to do. At one point, she said she had 4 or 5 staff people in her room. She was surprised, and said, “Aren’t you busy?” And they said, “Well, we’re kind of busy, but we’re enjoying being with you, taking a break here.”
She told me after that what had begun as a frightening and negative experience transformed into one of new friendship, new connection, joy. In the end there was no cause for concern. Her medical concern was that she was afraid she was having a heart attack, but it was just something trivial— I don’t want to say just gas pain, but it was not a heart attack at all, and she was in no danger, and there was nothing serious about her condition. But of course, for several hours they did tests and did not know this. But she said the light in the room and the laughter changed everything. She was so grateful for her practice, and for mindfulness, and for the teachings of joy and gratitude. That which is not loved comes as teacher. What is it teaching me? To remember love. To remember right there with contraction is that which is spacious and light.
The next question is this. For this friend, because of the depth of her practice she could do this. But for those of us who might find it hard in that situation, or perhaps not a hospital emergency room but a situation in which things are not going the way you want, how do we find light? How do we find love?
Yesterday morning Barbara and Hal left the house at 7:30am on a long-awaited trip to Meijer’s Garden, a beautiful botanical and sculpture garden that’s about a 2-hour drive from their house. The intention was to stop for breakfast and get there about 10am, for a full day there. They were half way there, past breakfast, and back on the highway when the traffic slowed and then stopped. There had been a major accident on the road ahead. They were on a stretch which was perhaps 7 miles between exits; they had just passed one exit, and the traffic was literally going at 2-3 mph, creeping along.
Barbara had her Google Map on her tablet. At first she was grasping at, “How much further? Another half hour, another 20 minutes. We’ll get past that exit where the accident happened and it looks okay.” Grasping. But then traffic stopped completely. She realized how much she was grasping, and that there was no reason to. What was the worst that could happen? They wouldn’t get there that day. They would have a pleasant drive together. They could talk. They had a friend with them who was driving, actually, so they didn’t even have to drive. Just relax; talk, read a book, look out the window. Do metta for the people in the accident. Give thanks that it was not you. Joy that such a trip can be planned for and then re-planned for. Let go of the tension about it.
So they finally reached the point where she thought it was going to open up, according to her map, and found the police were redirecting the traffic over the median and going back the other direction 7 miles, which traffic was moving, more or less, but very slowly, 10-15 mph. But back to the exit where they could get off and find an alternate route. They arrived at the Gardens at 1:30 in the afternoon. Did they have enough time there? Yes, absolutely. They saw everything they wanted to see. And they arrived without tension, knowing it will be perfect just the way it is.
The way we can support this in ourselves, this kind of “everything will be okay” is twofold. One is, do what you need to do. Look at the map. Get off. Plan an alternate route that doesn’t look like it has any big red blocked spots. And let go.
When your heart opens in this way and you begin to trust, “This is an adventure and it will be interesting. We’ll see where the roads take us. Who knows where they’ll take us. Who knows if we’ll even get there. But wherever we end up, it will be fine.”, it’s like the warm blanket in the cave.
You are inviting something different. Now here’s the second half of my talk. An ancient teaching from the Buddha, from the Dhammapada: “We are what we think. With our thoughts we make the world. Think an impure thought and it will follow you.” These are not his exact words, but, “Like a terrible stink it will follow you. Think a pure thought and it will follow you like a beautiful flowering scent.” There’s a “New Age” teaching: you create your own reality. A lot of people say that’s just some wishful thinking. Well, it’s not just wishful thinking, because the mind decides how it’s going to be. The habitual patterns decide how it’s going to be. And then you follow in that path. If you believe you are lost in the cave, you are lost. If you stop and recognize, “I know where I am,” then you know where you are.
Fear blocks you and recreates the negative experience. You will keep drawing these negative experiences back to you over and over and over until you’re ready to release the whole idea, “Thishasto bethisway. I have no choice. Look what’s happening tome.”, and know at some level, I am in control here. My heart is in control. I do have a choice. I may not be able to choose what has already happened. The lights have already gone out and there I am in the cave. The accident happened and there I am stuck for over an hour on a highway. Here I am. It’s okay.
What do I choose to create out of this experience: fear, hatred, and anger, or love, joy, and gratitude? You can’t create it by saying, “I’m going to do this.” You must truly look for the place of joy, the place of love. It will always be there, I promise you that. Even in the most painful situations there is a light, if you will allow it.
So many of you have a strong habitual pattern of contracting and tension and you can’t see the light. It’s like the horse with the blinders. What light? You can’t see it. There it is— the smile, the ease, it’s there.
Now I want to take this to one more place and then open for your questions.
Imagine yourself in a situation with a group of people who are becoming increasingly angry, not specifically directed at you, but a lot of anger, negativity, hatred, fear, rancid attitudes. Some of it is directed at you, but really directed at everybody. A lot of bigotry, a lot of fear, hatred. How would you react in that situation? You have no way out of there for a couple of hours. Can you feel yourself closing up? Is there anybody who would say, “Oh, this is wonderful. Look at all the anger happening!”? People are turning to you and yelling at you now, “Aren’t you just as angry? Why aren’t you saying anything?” So you’re feeling yourself pushed, closing in even more. Imagine yourself in this situation, and I want you to just close your eyes for a minute, and ask yourself the question, in this moment, where is love?
Some of you might want to start with the compassion you feel for these people and their intense suffering. Some of you might prefer to really withdraw yourself temporarily, begin to chant silently to yourself or say a prayer, or even to think of something beautiful that brings you a lot of joy. The question here is, what supports you to remember light and love? What allows the heart to open?
I asked Barbara this a few days ago, just testing out my meditation. She began to think of her collie, who died last summer. A friend has recently gotten a puppy, not a collie puppy but a very cute puppy, and there’s a facebook picture of her holding this baby in her hands. Barbara began to think of the love for her dog, and how joyful it would be to have a little puppy like that. It melted her heart, thinking of the playfulness, the joy, the sweetness of this very innocent, sweet creature. It opened her heart.
Almost all of you have found something, here. Can you feel how you can rest in that vision, that memory, that experience, that song, or in the feeling of compassion for the pain of those around you? Can you feel your heart growing, opening? Can you feel it? Now, my frequently asked question: where do you choose to give your attention? Do you choose to focus on the negativity in the room around you, or without denial of that negativity, to focus on the real experience of light and of love that is also present? There is no denial of the pain, but at least give equal time to something beautiful.
Gradually allow your energy field to shift so the focus is with resting on the beautiful, on the joy. See if you can feel actual light radiating from your heart, up and out, light coming in through the crown chakra and flooding your whole body. Begin to feel yourself as a conveyer of light, light radiating from you, so beautiful. Light, love. Draw it down to the base chakra, also. Feel it throughout the body.
Then, when you feel ready, bring your attention back to the situation that was painful, back in my story, to the people who were so angry, ranting and raging. Maybe before you could not feel compassion for them; perhaps you can feel it now. Can you feel the possibility not to get drawn into their negativity and stories? To just let them be, to wish them well with your heart. “I choose love. I choose light. I choose to know myself as the radiant being that I am, and invite all of you to also know yourselves as such.”
This is your power. This is what you came to the incarnation for, not to be pulled down into the depths of negativity and despair but to know with certainty, “I am light. I am love. You are light and love.” You may open your eyes, my friends. You are light and love, and we always have a choice. The choice is narrowed the more you get sucked into the negative stories. It’s like a drain. At the top, the water is swirling, and you can swim your way out. But as it spins around and starts to suck you down it’s much harder to get out, because the pull is down and down and down. Even once you hit the bottom, you still can get out, it’s just harder. The sooner you catch it, the sooner you can move up and out into the light again.
It takes mindfulness to be aware of the places where you’re being sucked down that drain into the sewer, and the places where you are rising out. The places where there is joy, where there is love. The innate joy of being, the innate love in your hearts. I’m not suggesting you’re going to feel this all the time. Of course not; you’re human. Sometimes you’re going to find yourselves in the pit of the sewer. What are you going to do there? How long are you going to stay there complaining before you say, “Time to get out.”? But if you are mindful, and if you choose to know your true self, if you say thank you to that which is uncomfortable instead of, “Get out of here!”, “Thank you,” opening, that opening energy helps you to lift out so much faster.
I’m passionate about this topic. I could go on for another hour, but I see I’ve been talking for an hour— 55 minutes; I’ll give myself another 5 minutes to conclude and then we’ll open the floor to questions.
I said this is what you came for. How many lifetimes must you come into the incarnation to be pulled into the cesspool, mucking around in filth, saying, “I hate this! What’s wrong with this world!” before you suddenly wake up and say, “I came for a reason.”? And if you smile to your fellow inhabitants in that sewer, perhaps all of you can share enough love together that you can use different means at your disposal, all to climb out. Once you are out, you can form groups going to look for others caught in sewers and help them to get out, until you literally transform your Earth.
Question is not recorded
I suppose there will always be cesspools and sewers, but visiting them, being trapped in them, is optional.
Some of you have developed a habit of stumbling into the cesspools and then saying, “Not fair! Not my fault!” With mindfulness you can begin to see the intentions, the highest intention not to stumble into the cesspool. Perhaps at some level there’s a sense of unworthiness long held and the wanting to justify those feelings of unworthiness by saying, “See, I’m the one who keeps ending up in the sewer so I must be no good.”
If you are up there in the rose garden, how could you keep the story going, “I’m unworthy”? So we look at reasons like this. What keeps me caught in the various negative patterns? And in what way can I become more awake to the arising of these negative patterns and hold my highest intention not to enact them? To remember, I came here as a being of light, as a messenger for light, not for darkness, not for fear and hatred. I choose love, and that includes the self.
There are many possibilities. As I said, I want to turn this over to you now for your further questions and we’ll look at some of the patterns people have as we look at the questions.
Thank you. Let me open the floor now to your questions.
(Reviewed to here)
Q: I’m having a hard time forming this question. I have come to realize that I allow myself only a certain amount of success. And when it begins to be taking me to where I know I want to be, I stop it. I can see that it’s me. I’m only getting a glimmer of…
Aaron: You begin to move there, and then you stop it. So, you’re aware that you stop it. Then there is mindfulness, knowing you stop it in that moment, as much as is possible. This mindfulness is the starting point. When the stopping happens and is noticed, happens when it’s quiet, or when you’re with friends and you say, “I need to meditate for a few minutes,” begin to ask yourself: what am I afraid of, here? Does this pattern have any roots to it, or is it just habit?
Q: I feel it’s as though it’s lifetimes of roots.
Aaron: It may have had roots, but are the roots still there?
Q: Wow, that lightened it!
Aaron: Often people are reacting just based on habits that have no roots. For example, if there’s a route that you usually walk or drive, you’ve walked or driven that way for years. Then there’s detour and the sidewalk is broken up. Instead of turning aside and going a few blocks out of the way, you stumble through on the broken pavement because that’s the way you always go. But there’s nothing really driving it except habit energy. If you stop yourself and say, “This path feels safe and it’s comfortable, but a block over it may also be fine. I can try it.” And invite yourself to just make that little detour and see how it feels.
As you make the detour, one of two things will happen. Fear will come; is it safe? And then you know there’s still some roots. There’s still some fear of trying something new, that you won’t be safe. Or delight may come up. “Oh, look how beautiful this route is. I’ve never tried it before. I can always go this way. — Whoops, I don’t want to always go this way. I can go this way sometimes.” The next day you go that way. You begin to open and try new things.
Now let’s put this in terms of, for years on Monday night you have made roasted chicken. On Tuesday night, a vegetable dish. On Wednesday night, baked fish, etc.. You’re a little tired of the same menu week in, week out, but you were always told, “You’re a terrible cook,” and you’ve mastered these recipes. They’re safe. At what point are you going to say, “Not roast chicken again.” Mmm, flip through the cookbook. “What about lasagna? Oh, I can’t make lasagna. I don’t know how to do that. It looks so good and it’s a simple recipe. Okay, I’ll try it.” And it’s delicious.
So each time, you try something new, dropping off the old fears, the old stories. Not good enough, that’s such a common story, not good enough. “Not safe” is another one. Each time, we look at that story and begin to recognize, “This is a story and I don’t have to be stuck into it, I can allow myself to try something that the story has prevented me from trying.”
I want to make more friends, but people generally don’t like me. They may push me away. I’d rather just be alone in my home. I don’t have to take the risk that I’ll be rejected. But I’m lonely. Try it with one person, maybe with another person who is trying to make friends? No need to be the one who says, “I know you’re going to reject me and hate me, but I thought I’d talk to you.” Is that going to work? Probably not. How about, “You have such a nice smile. I’ve been looking at you sitting here and would love to talk for a few minutes because I really enjoy your energy. My name is…” Just opening yourself. The person says, “Naw, I don’t really want to talk.”, and walks away. “Ah, see? I knew they’d hate me.” Will you close up or try again with the next person. Of course, eventually somebody is going to say, “I’d love to talk to you.”
This person rejects, that person rejects. “See, I knew they would reject me.” Well, am I sending out an energy that says, “I’m no good; reject me.”? Or am I allowing myself to shine out? I don’t mean to be an erudite and brilliant conversationalist. Just to be who you are, a loving, kind person curious about other people.
What do you love to do? I see you here sitting here alone. The others at the part are all talking to each other, and I see you sitting here on the sofa. “What’s your name? What are your favorite things in the world to do? What do you love?” When we open ourselves in that way to people, people open to us. But with the old story “I’m not good enough”, how can you even approach it? I was told all my life I’m a terrible cook. How can I approach it. Barbara was told all her life, “You have a terrible singing voice. Never sing.” Well, with my urging, and knowing she has a terrible singing voice— and she does. She can’t carry a tune, especially now that she’s deaf. But, (singing) “The earth is alive with the sound of music…” We can sing! The voice doesn’t matter! She won’t sit you down and chain you to your chair for a half hour concert.
This is not just about relationships, but anything to which you aspire and feel limited by fear. Whatever the situation, we keep asking, what’s really happening here? If I could do this, what rich rewards might come? If I’m afraid to do this, what am I afraid might happen?
And if no roots, then such attention will encourage the pattern to fall away faster.
Does this answer your question? Let’s hear a question from one of those online.
Q: Is there a difference between habit energy and karma? And if so, what is that difference?
Aaron: Let me set up a scenario. You’ve been to Barbara’s cabin in the woods—no? You can imagine Barbara’s cabin in the woods. And you’ve been to the lake shore there. There’s a path up the hill from the beach up to the cabin road. From that main path, there’s a small trail that winds up to Barbara’s and Hal’s cabin. When they first moved into the cabin, you had to walk all the way up to the cabin road, along the cabin road, and then down their driveway. Barbara thought, I will cut through from the main path to my cabin and no longer need to go up, across and down. So she began to walk through.
The first time, she just walked through. She cleared a few of the sticks on the ground as she walked. The second time she walked through, she had pruning shears in her hand because she had noticed some thorny branches. She looked— what’s the best way to go through? – And she pruned a few things. I said to her, do you want to create a trail that will cut into the earth, or do you want try different ways of going? She said it would be easier if there was a trail. By the 5th trip this was the way she moved from the beach up to her cabin. It was already starting to develop into a habit.
Then as she looked at it, she saw that there was a better way to go, where instead of cutting through and up steeply, she could stay longer on the main trail and then cut across, so that the climb at the end on the new trail would not be as steep. She thought about that. But each time she thought of doing it, there was the comfortable trail she had already created. It was not the best route, but it was comfortable. She already had moved branches, clipped things away as necessary. It was comfortable.
At this point, it’s just habit. The habit, “I will choose to go this way because it’s most comfortable,” becomes karma, the karma of making a choice for what is most comfortable rather than what is maybe a little bit new and unsafe. What feels familiar— familiar is a better word than comfortable. So the karma for her was an attachment to the familiar, a habit which has run through many lifetimes for most of you.
I pointed out to her, you’re becoming attached to that which is familiar and it’s perhaps not the best route, at least in some weather. When it’s wet, that last stretch is steep and muddy. “But it’s familiar.” Tension. Here’s the karma. So then I challenged her: can you create another route, many other routes, to get there, letting go of the familiar? She tried many other routes. Then in the end she went back to the original one, not because there was karma or strong habit energy, but because in the meantime she had created some steps over the muddy areas, and it was truly the best path for everybody. There was no longer any fear or discomfort to take a different path, only this is the fastest and smoothest path for most people, so we’ll do it. Can you feel the difference?
Q: I can feel the difference. With karma, you get stuck in it. And karma just doesn’t give you a choice. You’re talking about…
Aaron: Because of old karma, you recreate the old karma in new dimensions, new arenas. For example, if there’s old karma that says, “I am unworthy, and I’m convinced I’m unworthy, and nobody loves me,” then you create the habitual patterns to be a bit unpleasant to people. That helps to keep the old karma in place. But if you gain insight into that you are doing this, and you choose, “I choose to free myself of this old karmic pattern and not to enhance and perpetuate it through present choices,” then you look at the old habitual pattern, for example, if somebody looks at you with anger, how many of you freeze up and say, “What did I do wrong?” rather than, “What’s wrong with them? Why are they so angry and uncomfortable?”
Q: Your example was in one lifetime. Could you talk about paths through many lifetimes and how it is karmic, dealing with path.
Aaron: The same karma comes along with you lifetime after lifetime until you pay attention to it. Explore the habitual patterns of this lifetime that lock that karma into place. Hold the intention: I no longer choose to live bound by this old karma. I choose to release it. At that point you will probably, consciously or unconsciously, invite a higher rate of repetition of the circumstances that brought up that karma, because you now have the intention to see what’s happening and release it. But with wisdom and compassion you see into those old habitual patterns and practice to release them, practice the freedom, “I don’t have to do this anymore.” And holding compassion for yourself for the fear: what if I release it? What will happen? Is it safe? As you break through it, gradually the habitual patterns fall away, and the karma is healed. Eventually it simply is non-existent, in that specific area of karma. Does that answer your question?
Q: It’s just, I have a hard time distinguishing when is it karmic, that I’m facing, and when is it habit energy. I do understand the melting away.
Aaron: Q, you don’t have to distinguish. THAT idea is karma and habit energy! Who is it that needs to control?
Q: That answers it! Thank you.
Aaron: The karma that believes, “I have to be the one to clarify this, to get it right, etc.”, and then the habitual patterns arise, that you repeat again and again. With a strong intention to heal this karma, you begin to look at the one who needs to get it right, the one who wants to control, out of love, yes, but still, the one who becomes tense and afraid. What if I do something wrong? What if harm is done through doing something wrong? Tension.
Just noting, here is tension, the old habitual pattern. Breathing in, I am aware of the pattern. Breathing out, I hold space for the pattern. I hold it in the light. I hold the strong intention not to be entrapped by it. What if I make a different choice in this moment? What if I observe the part of me that feels it’s not safe, and just offer compassion to myself and then make a different choice? And gradually the habitual pattern falls away, and then the karma releases. So, step by step.
But it happens in each moment. You don’t start it by saying, “I’m going to resolve all the old karma.” Rather, “Here’s a place where I’m hooked. Here’s an habitual pattern. I’ve seen it 20 times this week. Maybe I’m ready not to repeat this unwholesome habitual pattern anymore.” A little voice might say, “But part of it is wholesome. I’m trying to be good to other people.” Okay, part of it is wholesome; wonderful. Are there other ways you could be good to other people without harming yourself?
Releasing. Like, I think of a vine. You’re walking through underbrush and there’s a plant with lots of sharp ends curls around you. If you jerk your hand away, you’re probably going to cut your arm and destroy the vine. But if you look at one and take it off, take it off, you just un-peeling it until it falls away. And then you are careful not to walk into that vine again.
Q: “You don’t have to know” speaks loudly to me.
Aaron: Yes, I got that from your laugh!
Q: So in the room that you described, I find repeatedly that I fall into the sewer as if I have no choice, like it’s very slippery, and again and again.
Aaron: Do you like sewers?
Q: No! No!
Aaron: Then why are you falling into the sewer?
Q: I don’t know. I don’t know.
Aaron: Dear one, I would ask you to spend some time, now that you’ve finished your University classes; meditate and ask yourself the question, what am I getting out of this? At some level, there’s choice. Nobody is pushing you there. This goes deep. You have the courage, the tools, the loving heart, everything you need to break through it. We might even say this is what you came into the incarnation for. And I’m not suggesting that, just like that, it will be finished. But I think that you do have some ideas, what’s pulling you into the sewer. And I think you have the readiness at this point to say no, I am not going there again. It takes trust and courage.
For so many of you there have been one or many lifetimes of experience of believing yourself as… often it relates to feelings of unworthiness, to negative emotions. To people telling you, “Don’t be angry,” or, “Don’t be afraid,” or, “You should be able to do this better.” I look at the student, the student with A’s; “Why didn’t you get A-pluses?” from the parent or the self. The child who had the courage and love to try to bring breakfast to the parent, and the parent says, “Oh, you made a mess in the kitchen,” rather than, “How wonderful!” The child takes these different stories that have been thrown toward it, and builds a self-identity. But it also invites the continuation of these stories because it already has created a self-identity that it wants to hold onto.
Why would it want to hold onto it? I’ve said this before. You are all so powerful, and at some level you are afraid of your power because you have not fully purified the negative emotions. They still arise. They still seem to control you, at times. So, you don’t want to acknowledge the power you are when you express the essence of light that you are. Instead, you want to limit yourself. The arising of negative emotion, and the self-negation when the negative emotions arise, makes you pull back and say, “See? I am small. I am helpless. I am not wise enough, good, enough, loving enough,” because it’s so frightening to consider: what if you are? If youarethat powerful and anger arises, what immense destruction may occur. If you’re not that powerful, if you’re small, then you can’t do as much harm. But you can’t do the good, either. Make up your minds. Are you ready to be the light and love that you were born to be? All of you have the courage to do this. It is why you came into the incarnation.
It’s hard work. I don’t deny that. But it’s what you came for. With each of you the self-negating stories will be different. Please look at the “not good enough” that started as a child with a spilled glass of milk. “What a mess! Look what you did!”, rather than, “Oh, the milk spilled. Let’s clean it up.”, which response empowers you to know who you are; not to be afraid of making mistakes. Many of you did receive the loving response, but I don’t think anyone gathered here grew up completely with a background that allowed them to make mistakes without some adult saying, “Oh no!” And if the adult did not thusly speak, the small self spoke so, speaking from what it had brought, karmically, from other lifetimes. Are you ready to release that story?
Then we come to another point. Some of you are very angry about the negativity that you experienced as children, the scolding, the diminishment that you received and accepted. But because there’s a fear of the energy of anger, it was frightening as children to be angry at the adults who gave these negative stories. Whether it was just the mother who scolded, “You spilled your milk.” or whether it was truly an abusive situation, there’s a lot of anger. And because you are all spiritual journeying, seeking to grow spiritually and to love more, there is this little voice that believes it is wrong to be angry. I call it “old soul syndrome”. The one who wants to be loving and is therefore increasingly afraid of the anger in the self. “I shouldn’t be angry. I won’t be angry.” Then you turn the anger onto yourself.
Simply acknowledge: yes, I as a human being feel anger at times. All humans feel anger. The question is not whether it arises; it arises because the conditions are present for it to arise. The question is how am I going to respond to it. Am I going to take it into myself, build a self-identity on it and diminish myself, fearing I cannot express my unlimitedness in the world because my negativity may also pour out? Or am I going to hold that negativity compassionately, forgive myself and all humans that do feel negativity, and choose: I will not enact the negativity that arises. It simply arises out of conditions, it’s impermanent, it’s not me. I will be responsible to it but I don’t have to be afraid of it.
Once you become able to hold any negative thought without so much fear, you give yourself permission to be all you can be, and to release all the old habitual patterns and karma that dragged you down into the sewer.
I think we have time for one more question.
Q: What does it mean, “Blessed are the poor in spirit.”?
Aaron: I don’t know. I’ve never considered that phrasing. Obviously, I’ve heard these in a different translation, in which it doesn’t quite say, “Blessed are the poor in spirit.” One moment…
Jeshua incorporates.
Jeshua: My love to you all. (laughing) Sudden transformations! Aaron has asked me to explain this because it is quoted as from me. First, my love to you all and thank you for gathering here in this way. Please don’t think of me as Lord, and all of those pedestal-names so often assigned; I am simply a man that was named Jeshua. I tried my best to be loving, in that lifetime, and to teach love. Everything else about me was said by other people, and is not who I am.
So yes, I said words to this idea, but in a different language. Blessed are those who are not filled with pride but are humble. Blessed are those who do not set themselves above other people, but know that all beings are truly equal. Blessed are those who do not live on their ego that says, “Me, I’m best!” but treat each being with equal reverence and love, for these are truly the children of God. That’s all I meant. (Q: Thank you.) You’re very welcome.
Aaron is saying, “I thought that’s what you meant, Jeshua, but I thought you’d better say it since you have the authority over your own words.” Thank you, my brother, for giving me the chance.
I will take one more question while I am in the body. Is there someone out there that wishes to ask me a question? (No.) Then we will end here. My love to all of you. Aaron, do you wish to come back or end here with me? He says his love is with you also, and thank you for being here with us tonight. He says he will come back. From me, Jeshua, my deepest love to you, and here is Aaron…
Aaron: I am Aaron. So we join together, all of you, all of us, one circle. Distances do not matter. How could it matter how far apart we are when we are all energy, an all energy connects? I love you all very much. Thank you for being here with us tonight, and I will close.
I release the body to Barbara.