October 11, 2022 Tuesday Evening, Living Awake Class
Taming the Ox: Finding the Awakened Mind Within and Living From It; Why Are You Waking Up?
(This talk is partially reviewed by Barbara and Aaron)
Barbara: Good evening to you all. I sent you all an email that I would guess you received, part of Flight of the Garuda, Song One. I’m reading the lines aloud:
In both samsara and nirvana the renown of the enlightened state Is widely heard like thunder throughout the sky.
As this always remains within the minds of beings of the six realms,
How amazing that one is never separate from it even for an instant!
Not knowing that this state is within oneself,
How amazing that one searches for it elsewhere.
Although it is clearly manifest like the radiant disc of the sun,
How amazing that so few see it.
We have been talking about the earlier OxHerding Pictures. Seeking the ox. What leads us to go out and seek this ox? It’s an act of faith, in the beginning. Who says there’s an ox? Where did I get that idea?
Seeing the footprints. Aha! Maybe there IS an ox. And then you catch a glimpse of his rump going around the trees, tail swaying. Wow! I saw the ox! And then you catch up to him briefly, get your arms around him, but he breaks away, of course; he’s gone. Yes, there is an ox. How do I open to this?
The question for me is, what invites us to go off after this ox? We talked about that some in the last class. Our deep aspiration to an end to suffering for ourselves and all beings, for the awakening of this world. An end to the hatred, the fear. An opening to love. We start to trust it.
There’s a beautiful poem that I met over thirty years ago called “Verses on the Faith Mind” by the Third Zen Patriarch.
The Great Way is not difficult
for those who have no preferences.
When love and hate are both absent
everything becomes clear and undisguised.
Make the smallest distinction, however
and heaven and earth are set infinitely apart.
If you wish to see the truth
then hold no opinions for or against anything.
To set up what you like against what you dislike
is the disease of the mind.
When the deep meaning of things is not understood
the mind’s essential peace is disturbed to no avail.
That’s the beginning of it.
Well, the challenge with this is our minds do move into patterns of like and dislike. And such a major part of our practice is learning to watch contact, consciousness of pleasant, unpleasant, and neutral, and then the mental formations that lead to liking and disliking, and see these as simply arising from conditions and passing away. Not to take them personally. Not to take them as any kind of truth. Simply to open to this, to see how it happens.
A good friend today, who is at a retreat with Rupert Spira in upstate New York, coincidentally, as I was looking at the “Verses on the Faith Mind” for class, said that Rupert Spira had been talking about it today. I think the translation of it that Rupert has given is very elegant. This is somewhere around the fifth or sixth paragraph.
Do not think that the activity of the mind is a problem
or the cessation of its activity is necessary.
To attempt to stop the mind’s activity
is itself mind’s activity.
Neither lose yourself in the mind’s activity
nor engage in the effort to still it
but simply be knowingly the witnessing presence of awareness,
and your innate happiness will emerge
from the background of experience.
Your true nature of pure awareness
transcends all experiences
and yet is immanent within all experience.
We’ll talk more about this later on in the class. But we watch objects arise and pass away. We watch moving out into them with craving or pulling away with aversion. And we get to know the one who watches, to rest more deeply in this awareness presence.
This is what he’s speaking about in Flight of the Garuda. “Not knowing that this state is within oneself, how amazing that one searches for it elsewhere.” We go off looking for the ox. We forget that the ox is within us. We are that awakened mind.
I’m just trying to catch whether I’ve said everything that Aaron wanted me to say before he comes in. He gives me some ideas, “Please talk about this; please talk about that.” So I try to do that, and then he incorporates.
Many years ago, a very profound experience. Feeling myself part of a circle of loving beings, a young member of that circle, but really a circle of awakened beings, and acknowledging, yes, the conscious part of me is not awake, but the awakened mind is right here. And I can acknowledge that it’s here. It’s not ego to acknowledge it; it’s truth.
Resting in that, just the mundane mind and body, all dissolved. Resting in that spaciousness.
And then, at the end of that quite long sitting I came out of the building where I was meditating. It was maybe the end of March. I was on a lake, and there was the break-up of ice on the lake. The sun was shining, and there were a million shards of ice packed two-feet deep on the lakeshore. The open water was there within the lake for the first time through the winter. Millions of pieces of ice catching the glow of the sun. Each piece of ice was separate, and yet they were just part of the lake. And I sat there in some awe and watched. It was windy and the sun was still shining, and big pieces of ice were breaking up by the movement of the water and being pushed on the shore.
I was mesmerized, looking at the ice. Looking at the big areas, a quarter mile across, of still-frozen lake. Looking at the open water. Feeling the wind, feeling the sun. And none of it was separate.
The mundane mind says: ice, wind, water, sun, big sheets of ice, little broken pieces of ice. The awake mind in that moment just says, “Ah…just this.” Not creating any differences or separation.
I know you’ve been there; I’m just giving you one little example of what I experienced that day. You’ve been there, all of you. Not separate.
Aaron says to me thank you, he’ll take it from here…
Aaron: My blessings and love to you. I am Aaron. All of you have very heartfelt and genuine reasons for your practice and for being in this class. For most, there’s some personal element, “I am suffering and I want out of this suffering.” But for almost all of you there is a deeper reason. “All sentient beings are suffering, and I choose to further open to the awake mind, the truth that I am, so as to help end suffering for all sentient beings and for the earth.”
Perhaps part of that commitment is to help the earth move into a higher vibration, a higher density. The challenge is that you come to this from the personal self. There has to be that deep place of commitment, the aspiration to find out, is there really an ox? What does he look like?
But fear and grasping can never tame the ox; only love tames the ox. And in truth, the ox has never been anything but tamed; it is your own awakened self.
Quoting from Garuda again:
Not knowing that this state is within oneself, How amazing that one searches for it elsewhere.
Although it is clearly manifest like the radiant disc of the sun, How amazing that so few see it.
Skipping a bit…
How amazing that without being fabricated, this (awakened) mind,
which is unborn and primordially pure,
Is spontaneously present from the very beginning!
This self awareness is naturally free from the very first.
How amazing that it is liberated by just resting —
At ease in whatever happens!
The challenge is the eons of conditioning, of being in the personal ego self. This is what you’ve grown up with, lifetime after lifetime.
Sometimes we do a meditation to investigate the aggregates. Am I this form aggregate? Am I the feeling aggregate? The mental aggregate? The emotional aggregate? Am I consciousness itself? And we discover, no, I am none of those. They all arise out of conditions and pass away. They are non-self in nature.
Then we ask, then what does exist? What continues? Who and what am I?
You are not the one who seeks the ox; that’s just another part of the mundane aggregates. You are the awareness that has always been present with the ox. You are that which has already tamed and united with the ox.
But, being human, you must go through this step by step. You can’t just say, “I’m already awake,” and let it go. Because, yes, you are already awake, and yet you are so bogged down by your old habit energies that you cannot really live that awakeness.
Learning to live the awakeness is what taming the ox is all about. Finding the awakened mind and living from it.
So, you see the ox. You seek the ox. You connect with the ox. You even harness the ox and begin to bring him home. But the ox is not yet tame.
The awakened mind, always there from the very beginning, is not yet available to the use of the mundane being. It’s still separate.
I know all of you have had profound experiences of non-separation. What we’re really talking about here is getting to the Dharmakaya end of the bridge and seeing the wonder of that Dharmakaya. And then you hear screaming from the nirmanakaya end of the bridge and you rush back there, leaving the awake self behind staring out at the Dharmakaya, while the mundane self goes back to try to help in the mundane world. How do we put it together?
So much of this is simply related to deepening your meditation practice. Becoming aware of when the self comes in. Being able to say, “Ah, there’s self. I see it.” And again, a few minutes later— “Ah, there’s self again.” No shame in that; you’re human, of course that will happen. But there is self, there is self.
Well, you can watch that for a long time, catching on ever faster to when self arises. But this is leaving out one vital element: getting to know the places of real resting in the Dharmakaya, resting in awareness.
As Barbara mentioned in her story, just sitting there on the lakeshore. At first, totally enraptured by the glittering shards of crystal, and still creating a difference—broken ice, big sheets of ice, water, sun—until it all came together.
Earlier today, sitting here in this chair, there is one tree out her window that’s flaming yellow, radiant yellow. The color caught her eye, as she looked up from her computer. Ahh… For just one moment, thought stopped, separation dropped away. There was no tree out there and Barbara in here, just presence.
Another example. Barbara and Hal yesterday had their next booster shots, so Barbara was very tired today. She was sitting with Hal. He was watching I don’t know what on the television. He was dozing also. And Lester jumped up on her lap, began to knead with his paws here, and then settled his head right here, against her chest. Just warm, loving cat. And for a moment there was no Barbara or cat; there was just the essence of loving energy. And at some level, Barbara’s mind offering, “I offer this love to all sentient beings everywhere.” This non-separation connection. And then letting go of even those words and just feeling the joy, the presence of this loving being. He actually moved up and put his head on her shoulder. He was nuzzling against her a bit. She was dozing as this happened. He went to sleep there, too. Just presence, love. Love in all its different forms.
I’m looking for a different example… Okay, so Barbara mentioned her eyebrows. She’s trying to do this. She can’t stand that long at the bathroom mirror so she’s turning on her photo app on her iPad so it sees her, mirrors her. She has this pencil-type thing that she tries to draw with. This eyebrow was easy because this eye works, so she can do it. And then she dipped into the black again—but she can’t see with this eye. She ended up with something quite big and black across her face.
At first she said, “Oh, no!” Because she couldn’t see it until she moved her hand away. “Oh, no!” And then she just went into the bathroom, with soap and water washed it off. She thought, “Maybe I’ll just leave one eyebrow on. Maybe I’ll put the second one on again. Can I do it? I have to do it really by feel.”
So she put her finger on—she can feel where the eyebrow should be, where the ridge is. She started to smooth it with her finger, eyes closed. She looked at it again. “Oh, no!” She washed it off again.
Then she stopped and meditated for a few minutes and thought to herself, “Why does it matter? What am I trying to prove to anyone? What difference does it make?”
Coming into the pure awareness mind in which all appearances are just appearances. Letting it go. She had a brief thought—she doesn’t have lipstick, but she thought, “If I had lipstick, I could put a red line over my eyebrow, put some black on my lips! Mix it up a bit.”
Ah, she could see the tension in herself, wanting to get it right, and the awareness, “It doesn’t matter.” So she washed it off again one more time. She used the tip of her finger and just felt—she can still feel, there’s no color but there’s a little bit of no-color, colorless eyebrow there, she can feel it. She just wiped it on. She didn’t look in the mirror. She didn’t look at it at all. She just stopped and meditated. “Ah, this will do.”
And actually, as soon as she thought of—I don’t know how to say it, the ideal eyebrow shape—and just let herself touch it and connect with it, she put it on quite well. She didn’t look into the mirror until she came out here and saw herself on the Zoom screen. “Ack!”
The one who is awake will choose to be pleasant to others so as not to harm others, to offend others, unless offending them does something to wake them up.
But it’s not deliberately done; it’s just presenting a “Here I am. This is how I am—sometimes filled with anger, sometimes sleepy, sometimes laughing, sometimes feeling empty, or bright and full.”
Waking up. Who are you, waking up? Why are you waking up?
This awareness of the intention to live from the awakened part of yourself is important. But it’s equally important: who holds that intention? Is it the ego who holds it?
Those moments when you are awake—that moment when Barbara first looked at this very huge black eyebrow she had painted on blindly—aagh! And then, laughter. “Okay, clown face! This is how I am.” This is only the surface, the eyebrows you paint on or the big white clown nose. Who are you underneath all of the disguises, all the makeup, be it physical or emotional or mental? Who are you? When all the aggregates dissolve, what remains?
It’s vital that we look at the reasons behind our practice. This earth and, if I can say it in this way, the multiple universes, the billions upon billions of sentient beings of all forms in multiple universes, they are all engaged—you are all engaged in this progression of not knowing who and what you are, and gradually waking up. Moving into a higher vibration. Opening your hearts to yourselves and all beings. Seeing the immensity of suffering throughout this world, this universe, and reflecting that it must be so in every universe. And there is just one being—you—to lead the way.
Barbara recently watched with Hal the whole Ring Trilogy. I can’t remember the title. Frodo carrying the ring to drop it into that fire of doom and destroy it.
But we don’t destroy the ego; we carry the ego and we begin to see the use of the ego. Like the ring, the ego is an object of power, power to be wielded by the awakened heart. The mental body is an object of power. Even the face, with its eyebrows or lack of eyebrows—the physical body is an object of power. Can we relate respectfully to all of the aggregates, knowing them as impermanent and not self? Yet beautiful beyond measure. Not something to be met with disdain and gotten rid of, but to be welcomed in as tool for awakening, for oneself and all beings.
I’m speaking at some length here because you need to reflect on why you are seeking this ox. Or in Frodo’s case, why he is seeking to drop this ring into the fire and destroy it, this ring of negative power that grows when you are centered in that which is not awake, that which is not the true self.
Because the true self is beautiful beyond measure and connected to everyone and everything. It is the one who is awake—just One, not many.
And as more of you learn how to rest in that true self, to uncover it within, to open to it, to hold it and claim the honor and responsibility of connecting to the true self, then you are connecting to the Divine in everything and everywhere. The power of love. The power of the awakened heart mind.
We have a retreat at the end of this month. The title is—I can’t remember the exact words we gave it, but awakening as something instant, sudden, or ongoing. [“Awakening – as Sudden, Gradual and Both”] And of course, it’s both. There are moments of profound insight, awakening to the truth of what you are, and there is the ongoing progression. Seeing that truth, where does it lead me? And being willing to follow the map, to take it step by step by step.
So that when something truly unpleasant arises, instead of batting it away, you’re able to hold it and look at it and see it for what it is: just another expression of the One. Not something to hate or disdain, but rather to take responsibility. Here is anger. Here is fear, greed, loneliness. The one who is awake can watch these, and in an inverse way it becomes part of the power, that you are able to hold these heavy emotions. That the one who is awake can hold them and draw power from them. Power of compassion, power to love.
In the retreat we’ll look deeply at this. I know some of you are registered for it. I hope others of you will consider to join us for that week. I truly love these periods of more intensive retreat as an opportunity to go deeper.
As you rest with compassion for yourself and all beings, and the fact that here on this human plane, physical pain, emotional pain, confusion, anger, greed, fear, these all arise, compassion deepens.
The one who is innately compassionate blossoms. That compassion is more clearly seen as the essence of your being.
You’re all seeking wisdom, I understand that. But the transition from third to higher density, the work of this plane, is truly compassion. Once compassion is deep, wisdom arises much more easily.
This is not to say there will not be wisdom. But if you grasp at wisdom—me, I’m going to awaken; to understand all of these truly magnificent teachings intellectually and leave the heart out—this is going to keep you trailing after the ox. Continually seeing his rump and tail disappearing around the bend in front of you and never catching him. Or perhaps once grabbing him around the neck, but he struggles and pulls away.
Compassion, loving kindness, presence, these are what will allow you to catch the ox. And next class we’ll talk more about taming the ox. The next class I believe will be just before the retreat. So for those of you attending the retreat, one focus of the retreat will be this question, taming the ox.
Again, we look at the mundane and supramundane side of it. On the mundane side, there is you with an ox to be tamed. On the supramundane side, the ox has always been tamed. The ox has always dwelt in your heart.
So a large part of your spiritual path is drawing together the mundane and supramundane. We drew the groundwork for this last year as we talked about that sambhogakaya bridge. But now we’re going to take it deeper, with real practices that will help you rest more deeply in this present moment of awakeness. Being the one who is awake and just resting there.
Thank you. We’ll have a few minutes for questions and then a time to stretch and pass this to John.
(Question not recorded.)
I’m not certain I understand your question. What you said is accurate: people who are awake don’t harm others.
We’re not always certain what harm means. To violate someone’s free will is harm. And yet if I see somebody with a gun about to shoot another person, it’s a violation of their free will to stop them from shooting, and yet I must stop them from shooting, I must step in. When I do so, I acknowledge that I am karmically responsible for stopping that flow of action and all its outflows.
Let’s use the example of a shooter in a children’s school. I’m hiding behind a doorway. He doesn’t know I’m there. He’s about to mow down a whole classroom of six-year-olds. I have a pistol and I shoot him. I have killed him. I am responsible for killing him. Whatever karma comes from that, if there was no hatred in me, only the deepest compassion and the intention to stop him from killing innocent people, that’s very different than if I killed him out of rage, filled with rage that he’s about to shoot these children.
So, you’re saying people who are awake don’t do anything to harm others or disturb others unless it will help them to wake up. Am I harming another being if I stop him from doing something that will be very karmically heavy for that being? Am I harming him or stopping harm? I can’t answer that for you. It’s something worth investigating.
From whence does my action come? Is there a contracted energy of harm, intention to harm, anger, hatred, or is there loving kindness? I’m not sure if that answers your question because I did not really read a question into your words. But please go ahead.
(Not recorded)
You’re welcome. As I said, this is why we’re together in class. Becoming increasingly aware of one’s intentions and the ground for those intentions. Present compassionately when the intentions are more of the ego. Not hating oneself that there’s an ego intention; just compassion so it doesn’t take control.
(Question not recorded)
The intention of the Buddha in creating a monastic community. Of course, I cannot answer for the Buddha. I can only answer from my own perception.
The work you’re doing is very hard. It’s much easier when there is a sangha. That’s why the Buddha, dharma, and sangha are part of the Triple Gem. A monastic community is a community who supports you in your work and who you support in their work. It’s much easier to meditate and follow the precepts in a community of like-minded people than it is if you’re living somewhere out on the street with a lot of people who are drunk and angry, brawling. And so we have a sangha of like-minded people, and we support each other.
Perhaps John would like to add something to that…
(John not recorded)
Aaron: Let me answer that briefly. Is it possible for third density beings to fall back to first and second density—animals, plant life and mineral, bacteria life—due to not practicing dharma or being conscious of a virtuous life?
Anything is possible. Generally—let me say for everything, karma is never a punishment. At some level, you desire to learn, to grow.
If you move into very unwholesome karma, you may decide, along with your guides—the whole flow of karmic energy may bring you into a lower density.
For example, somebody who is very self-centered in this present life, never thinking about others, always grasping and taking for oneself, may grow into the understanding, “It would be helpful for me to live as a tree or shrub in the forest where I am totally interconnected. I can’t pick myself up and push others aside. I can’t move myself into the patch of sunlight or moist ground. I am planted here. I’m going to have to get along with my tree brothers and sisters for a hundred years or so.”
It’s a learning experience. And perhaps the being who does that then comes back as a third density being having opened to this wisdom, having opened the heart and learned not to grasp and push others aside, and is able to live a much more openhearted human life.
It’s always about learning and growth. So, never as punishment, always for learning and growth. But beings of any density can come back as a lower density at any time for something that they need to learn.
And then we have something like a crystal like this. A record keeper, it’s called. These lines have energy and bring memories, records. Is it only a first density crystal? It’s a very awake crystal. It’s first density and, I’d say, sixth density at the same time. So we think of a crystal as being mineral, first density, yet it’s also awake.
It’s time for us to go on, it’s 7 o’clock. Thank you for the questions. I’m going to give you to John, who I think may call a few minutes break here and then move on to the meditation part of our class.
Thank you. Let me just add one thing. This coming two weeks, continue to explore those moments when you’re awake. Just note it. Don’t use it for anything. Don’t do anything with it. Don’t try to hold onto it. Just notice it. Right there, awake.
You probably won’t realize it until afterward, when you’re back into the everyday mind and can reflect: That was an awake moment. Thank you, an awake moment.
Get to know these awake moments and be grateful for them. Hold the intention to invite more of them. See what supports them, what denies them.
Thank you. I am Aaron. I’ll return the body to Barbara.