February 26, 1997 Wednesday Evening with Aaron
Working with Resistance;The Castle and the Dock: Offering Love in Difficult Relationship;A Comment on Guidance
Barbara: We have a very small group tonight. We’re talking about where to go from here. The question that came in by email was one Aaron said he wanted to speak to. It’s basically the question:
Aaron says you don’t have to be steamrolled by people, that from a very clear and loving place you learn to say no. What if you say no and they still keep steamrolling over you?
That was the basic question.
Q: Practice tai chi which uses their energy in harmonious ways, just shifting its direction.
Barbara: Yes! So anyhow, that is one question. And I would also like to hear what else anybody here wants to talk about.
Q: I always have a million questions but I always forget them when I come here! But I have a personal type personal question I could ask which is quite short.
Barbara: Others? Are there any special kinds of questions?
Q: I have a couple.
Q: I have a question which is somewhat personal. (Aren’t they all!) I have been working with trying to focus on my writing and dealing with my writing block. I often ask for help from my guides or Aaron. But I sometimes am confused about to what degree I really am asking them to help with something that is really a relative plane problem, as opposed to dealing with the real issues.
Barbara: So the question could be, what kind of help do we ask for and how does it work? (Yes). What does it mean when we ask for help, what’s going on.
Okay. Why don’t we start with that one? Aaron says he will tie that in also to a question I raised about prayer.
Probably all of you have heard from me at one point or another, maybe not Q, that Ram Dass had a stroke. The email that I got today said he’s off the critical list and may be moved out of the intensive care area. He’s still not allowed visitors. Speech therapists have seen him and are very optimistic that he will at least regain some speech. The doctors are optimistic about the progress he’s making but I presume he’s still paralyzed. That’s today’s update.
So I asked Aaron, people all over the country are praying for this man. How does that work?
Q: How old is Ram Dass?
Barbbara: 65. He’s young. He had a massive stroke and was not expected to live. I think his whole right side is paralyzed including speech. They said he’s moving his hands with a mala, moving beads, and I don’t know if he’s talking but the doctors are optimistic that he will regain some speech.
Okay. So, let us go on to this question.
Aaron: I am Aaron. My love to you all. There are several different interesting questions which are a part of Q’s overall question. First of all, she has writer’s block, or what she identifies as writer’s block. I’m not sure what writer’s block is. It sounds like a formidable block dropped in front of you and I suppose that’s how it feels. But the words “writer’s block” imply to me that somebody has just dropped a concrete monolith in your path. It may be very representative of what you feel but really what’s happened is your mind has dropped resistance in some form or another in your path.
Resistance arises because there’s some kind of fear. We don’t need to figure out what the fear is about so much as simply to recognize that resistance is a fear state, a state of paralysis of some sort. The fear arose because certain conditions were present, such as perhaps a fear that you would not be successful, and so it was hard to start; a fear of being judged by others; or even a fear that you would be successful, and that somehow the idea of success was discomforting. Maybe one wants it too much so one doesn’t want to take the risk of opening the door. If the door is closed and success can’t come in, you’re not going to be disappointed even though you may be sad. But if you open the door and it doesn’t come in, then you risk disappointment, you risk needing to let go of a certain dream perhaps.
So from many different dimensions there may be fear. The fear offers itself in the form of a resistance which makes it very difficult to sit down and write. At some level you have expressed intention that your higher priority to writing is to be safe. It may not be your highest intention but right now it’s what you’re working on: desire to be safe. Safe doesn’t mean comfortable; please note that. Safe may take the illusion of comfortable but actually, safe in a prison can be very uncomfortable.
At another level, the intention has been offered to learn, perhaps to learn about your wholeness, to learn about fearlessness. Part of the resistance then may be at a higher level of learning. What if you do simply sit down and write? What if it’s very beautiful? What if you begin to receive proof from the universe that you are capable, that you are complete, that you are beautiful? Yes, you can say that that’s just what I want, but was we said, at another level, there may be fear of it. If you don’t have it, you can’t lose it.
That oversimplifies vastly and is just one of the reasons why there may be fear. There may be fear, for example, because as a child it was dangerous to compete with your siblings. There may be fear because there was so much anger that your siblings got what you wanted, or seemed to. There was so much anger perhaps for that child that he or she was ready almost to kill that sibling. And so your success brings up a lot of guilt, a lot of old connections. The possibilities are endless.
We can put most of this aside. If it’s something you need to know, it will arise in your experience. For now it’s sufficient to say simply that fear is present.
When you ask for help, it is a way of stating a different intention. Here you say “that desire to be safe, to be comfortable and so forth, that is not my highest intention. I am willing to take a risk. I’m willing to take the chance that some of what I learn is going to be discomforting, but for the good of all beings I ask for help. I want to learn and I feel stuck. Something is happening here that I don’t understand, and thus, what I am manifesting is not what I choose to manifest. Somehow I’m sending out confused messages. I need help.”
So this asking for help is not so much a matter of asking external energy to come down and help you, although that certainly may happen, rather it’s a way of tuning in to your own deepest purpose and motivation, shifting into your higher self which is aware of what the being most needs to learn from this perspective of good for all beings. So you ask for help, you pray for help. There may literally be external help available.
Barbara, for example, at the time she met me, she was feeling stuck. She thought her highest priority was to open and learn and live her life in harmony, but really her highest priority was to stay safe. She was paying a very high price for that safety, great mental and emotional anguish. But she felt safe. Eventually the price she was paying became obvious to her and she asked for help. She was hurting too much, she needed to get out.
And I answered. It’s not quite so much that I answered, not that we were sitting down at a table up there in heaven, heard a prayer come up and someone said, “Well it’s your turn, Aaron, you take this one!” Of course not.
Barbara and I have been connected literally forever because we are soul mates. So I have been deeply aware of the movements of this being on the physical plane. I’ve been available to her throughout this and several previous incarnations to be a guide. But she needed to ask, because you cannot push a being against its will. You cannot say, “You should learn, I have the answers, come on, take this book, take this material, take this path.” You can’t push somebody like that. All you can do is sit and wait until they say, “I really am stuck here. I need help.” That is the most important step for your growth, to be able to recognize when you’re stuck.
So who’s going to answer you, Q? You connect more deeply with your own higher self. And yes, your guides of course are available. And they can help you to see things from a new perspective when you are ready to open yourself to that new perspective. Your asking for help is an indication you are ready.
What next? You simply meditate. You may try writing in a journal, seeing if through journaling you can begin to hear your guides more clearly. You can take the pain, the fear, the confusion about the stuckness, about the writer’s block, and hold it as if it were a precious gift. Recognize that this is something you brought into your experience for a reason. You can just sit with it. Look deeply into it with an openness and a willingness to let it teach you.
You can’t get rid of it because you don’t like it. You can’t just make a decision, “I don’t want this any more.” Rather, you need to understand, why is it here? What is its purpose? In what way am I continuing to invite this block when a different part of me says this is not what I want? One consideration here, Q: remember how many different levels there are. You want to stay safe. You want to write and offer your energy to the world in that way. And then there may be still a higher level, wanting to clarify old ignorance and misunderstanding. Ignorance about your own self and its relation to the universe. Misunderstanding about the old concepts of the old limited self.
Here I move into a bit more personal vein, Q, because we have such a small group tonight. And I think I would have a chance to speak to each of you in this more personal vein. My dear one, as long as I have known you, you have been struggling with the myth of imperfection. Of course, the relative plane being doesn’t seem to be perfect. There are physical distortions, emotional distortions, and so on. And yet those distortions are perfect. They’re just what you need. Please observe carefully what it meant as a child to be the good one. To be the good one means NOT to be the bad one. But at times your emotions felt “bad.” You both wanted and did not want to “fool” others.
I would perceive there also was for the child a very deep desire to be loved unconditionally, not just loved because you were good. Then there might be temptation to be “bad” to see if you were still loved. And so a part of you wanted to be the good one. Part of you did not want to be the good one.
There were times when you saw siblings who were not “good,” who were destructive or angry in some way, saw them receive attention. There was anger about that. Here you try to be good and you remain at the edge of attention while the ones who create havoc are put in the center. So I think there was some confusion.
There was wanting to be good because of your deeply loving heart, which wants to offer its love to all beings, and not wanting to be good because you want that love as unconditional love. If you’re good and you’re loved, you never know if it’s unconditional or not. I think this issue is at the heart of your “writer’s block” and this issue is primary to the learning of this incarnation. What if you are a success as a writer and people admire, even love you? But that love is extended to the “good” side of you, not to the “bad” or angry side. Would you still be loved if people could see all of you? So your difficulty in writing right now is offering you an opportunity to closely understand this issue and resolve it. The writing is secondary. Do you understand? I know we have not yet talked about prayer and how that works. We will come to that. I pause.
Barbara: Q, Aaron asks, do you understand what he’s saying? I’m paraphrasing. He says do you see how the different layers are there and each one creates its own motivation? But you’re mostly following the motivation for that which wants to learn how to give and receive unconditional love and learn what it means to really embrace one’s wholeness. That’s the primary motivation. And he’s saying your asking for help is really saying, “I’m ready to take the risk to learn about this wholeness.”
Aaron’s suggestion here is we just spend time with each of you, taking one question like this at a time. Some of the questions will connect, some will not. He says he’ll come back to the prayer question if there’s time.
Q: You can talk about my situation that I emailed you about … Situation that I have out that cottage with a neighbor, some of you have seen the neighbors in action! Basically this neighbor has put his boat equipment in front of my cottage. It violates the boundary that is there. And he’s also a provocateur, so he does these low-level provocative kinds of things and I hook every single time. So I’ve been really caught in this loop of getting really pissed off at this guy. I haven’t done anything about it. He provokes and I get mad. It’s just this little thing. I see it so clearly, what I’m doing, and I’m having a lot of problems keeping space around it and not opening into the provocation. Accepting this equipment being there and feeling ripped off because of it. That’s the gist of it.
Q: Usually with those kinds of people, they just ignore you until they do the next thing.
Q: That’s right, that does not work.
Barbara: Talking to them does not help, is that what Q said?
Q: Talking does not help; I’ve tried talking to them.
Barbara: Ignoring it does not help? Q said it went to court of some sort last year, and the neighbor lied and said he needed 4 feet of depth. I suppose it’s not 4 feet deep in front of his house, only in front of yours. And so the judge said, well, leave it there then. But Q said his lawyer didn’t do his homework and that he really doesn’t need 4 feet. Q, is all his stuff out of the water now for the winter? (Q: Yes, it is). What happens if you put your dock in right on the boundary line?
Q: That’s what I tried to do last year. He came out before I finished putting in my dock and put his equipment in my path.
Barbara: Can you get started early! The day the ice breaks. But we’re off on a very different track now than what I suggested to Q in email today.
Q: I thought of drilling holes in the ice.
Q: I have another kind of practical suggestion. I have a friend who has a mediation service which is free in this county, I think … It is designed especially for this kind of situation, either between people who have an argument with a store about returning something or with neighbors who have conflict. It’s not about marriages or major legal situations. But I can find out the name of this service. It’s free. What they do is talk to each neighbor separately and then set up a, they become go-betweens for solving the problem and listen to each party, then try to get them to come together for a meeting if that seems useful, with an arbitrator present. And help them try to find a solution which works for everyone.
Barbara: Is there any way you can force someone to come to that?
Q: No, it has to be voluntary. He may never come. But it’s a path to try.
Q: He lives in Ohio. But that might not matter.
Barbara: Aaron will talk about the question. I’d just like to hear other people’s thoughts on it. I wonder, Q, if you had any response to what I suggested, which basically comes from Aaron.
Q: It’s going to take some work!
Barbara: It’s by far the hardest track.
Q: Did Q come to Aaron’s Halloween story?
Q: No.
Barbara: That was basically what we suggested to Q.
Q: That’s tough, that’s really tough!
Barbara: Did you hear Aaron’s Halloween story, Q?
Q: No.
Barbara: Aaron talked about, I only read through the transcript once briefly and I didn’t hear the talk so I’m not 100% sure of the story. It was a past life of Aaron’s, a real past life in which he was walking down the road, he was a monk … .
Q: It’s a long story, it took Aaron an hour and a half! (Barbara: tell it briefly, very briefly). Aaron was a priest walking along, it sounded like middle ages Europe somewhere. He was walking from town to town and didn’t have any property. He would ask for shelter from places where he stayed. He came at night to a large impressive-looking house and went and knocked on the door. It was very isolated and he had known of its existence between 2 towns. So he went to this house and knocked and was received very graciously into the home by a butler.
He had asked for some food and shelter, expecting, perhaps, the service quarters or a barn to shelter him. He was given a room in a tower and invited to come to dinner with the host. They had a very civilized meal with wine and fine food. The host escorted him up to his tower room after dinner. It was a very odd room with an inner room and an outer, he was shown in, there was an outer room and a bedroom behind it. Basically he went in and was given a candle or two. They said good night. The host asked what time he wanted to leave in the morning and he said early. The host closed the door and he heard the key locking in the door.
He was surprised at that and the host said, I will return in the morning. It’s for your safety, we won’t disturb you. I’ll be back. At that point the being that was Aaron walked back into the bedroom with his candle and found many dead bodies. He rushed back and pounded on the door and said, “Let me out.” The host was sitting on the other side of the door and began to laugh hysterically. Aaron realized this being was crazy, that he was not going to let him out ever and that Aaron had been locked in to die.
There was I believe one small window which overlooked a huge rocky cliff and no way out of the window. Thick, thick stone walls in the whole area. He began to search wildly. He had his candles and at first was really overcome with panic and terror, but realized that the host was getting a large charge out of his rage. So he sat down and prayed and prayed and prayed. For hours and hours he sat and made himself be still. He realized the candles were all burning out. He put out all but one candle and remained in the outer room with the door closed.
Finally as he sat he had a vision of a door with a keystone, an arch over it with a keystone. He realized he was being shown an answer to his prayers and began to search for that configuration. He searched the entire outer room then knew he had to brave the inner room. It was horrible, he didn’t find anything, then went back and prayed more about it and continued seeing that vision. He returned to the inner room and found a little closet in the back corner. Opened the closet and found the keystone.
The keystone led to a staircase down to the dungeon beneath the castle, down, down, down, down. By the time he reached the end of the stairs, his last candle flickered and went out and he was beneath the castle in the dark. But there was water running through that passage and he figured that the water was running to somewhere. He dove or jumped into the water. He was a very strong swimmer. He swam down the river of sewage or whatever it was and came to a wall and realized the river was flowing under the water. So, with lots of fear continuing to arise, dove down and swam underwater for a long time and came up, out of the castle. He sat there for a very long time gathering his wits and wondering what to do.
He continued to pray and was shown what he had to do. He was shown that he had to go back and that there was no other truly loving to do, no other way to save this lost soul. He could have been thrown in jail or he could have been harmed but he could not save this being unless he was willing to go back. So he sat with that for a long, long time, but finally he decided he would do it. He swam back underwater underneath …
Barbara: Aaron is interrupting for a moment here. He wants to make it clear that it was his choice, that he could have simply gone on his way and left this being, knowing he would probably do the same thing again and again and other people would be killed. And that this man would also be accumulating all that terrible karma. But it was still his choice. If he needed just to go on his way, that was acceptable.
Q: Was it not possible to have that man arrested and stopped?
Barbara: Aaron says, not really, not in that time and place. He was the lord of this area, basically.
Q: So, I thought he had 3 choices, basically to let him go, to go back, or to …
Barbara: He says yes, he probably could have gone back with some kind of force and had him arrested, that that probably would have been possible, but …
Q: But it would have incurred karma for Aaron, basically. My understanding was that Aaron was Christian in that lifetime, is that correct?
Barbara: Yes.
Q: So it wasn’t karma he was ultimately worried about.
Barbara: He said basically it was karma. He said he had an understanding of karma even though he was a Christian.
Q: (amid comments) We agree Aaron is a cool dude!
So, he’s decided to swim back into this upstream, pulling himself along up this stream under the wall into the dark cavern, up these long stairs, into the room with all the dead bodies and no candles! So he did.
Q: Sounds like this situation!
Q: He carried the dead bodies down the stairs one by one in various degrees of decay. He left them in the cavern under the castle. He then went up and cleaned up the entire putrid mess and then left.
And came back to the castle the next morning and knocked on the door. The butler let him in again. He was invited to come in to breakfast and the host was there. He said, “I had to leave early but I just wanted to thank you for a wonderful night’s sleep and your wonderful hospitality.” The man was obviously flabbergasted. He had no idea there was a back stairway and had no idea how this man had gotten down or what was going on. He basically said, “But, but, but, but, but … ” He said, “No, it was a wonderful room. Have you ever slept there? You should try sleeping there some time. I have hardly ever had such a wonderful night’s rest.”
Now, Aaron was not telling the absolute truth! (laughter) He was lying a little bit in that! The host led him back upstairs and they went in and he found the place empty and clean, and he was profoundly confused. Just, everything in his reality shifted. The priest, Aaron, said, “I want to thank you for your kindness and for all the kindness you did for me. I was wondering if I could recommend your hospitality to other priests when they are coming through. I will be coming back in 2 weeks, may I visit you again?”
The man simply shifted his reality and he said, “Of course, I would love that.” And from then on, he began to see himself as a whole and loving being and he began to act lovingly and indeed to welcome all priests who travel and treat them with love and respect. Everything about his being shifted.
Barbara: Aaron says basically that’s it.
(group remarks omitted)
Q: I wanted to add that Aaron did go back a few weeks later with a good strong friend and he asked the friend if he could swim! (laughter) Just in case.
Q: So it may be an opportunity.
Barbara: As you were telling the story, and as I said, I read it through about once, I was asking Aaron, as this, the man shifted and really became a loving person, I assume he’s still karmically responsible for all of those deaths and Aaron says, Absolutely.
Q: But he didn’t incur any more. He began to shift the balance somewhat.
Barbara: What I said in my email to Q was, I said that it’s a wonderful learning opportunity and there are 2 parts to it. What makes you so uncomfortable about it? Clearly he is invading your space. But what is that about? I talked about that old statement, from retreats, “Is it coming in to bother you or are you going out to bother it?” So there’s this dock and it’s across your property line, but it’s clearly bigger than it really is.
So there’s that for you to learn, what’s really creating your suffering. But my suggestion to Q was shifting his tactics completely and saying to the man, “I still disagree with the placement of the dock but I’m aware this has become a mountain between us. After all, it’s just a dock. And I wish it weren’t there. I think you’re trespassing. But I really want to just put this aside. We’re neighbors. I want us to have congenial relationships. I was in town and I bought this plant for you. I thought you’d enjoy it.” And bring him bagels and coffeecake when you’re in town. Get to know his children.
Q: One of his kids does like me.
(group comments omitted)
Barbara: It’s basically what Aaron did in the story and I’m glad you brought that up because it was perfect. Just bringing in love. Not to fix or transform or tricking your neighbor, but to change you. What happens when we give to others, in a situation, using generosity as a tool.
Q: Just to be clear, that is asking more than most of us have been asked before. It’s a big choice. It’s a very possible choice but so is …
Q: … ignoring him and doing nothing.
Q: It becomes a, I don’t know, I just honor you for even considering it.
Q: It offers a tremendous opportunity to break through many barriers.
Q: The fact is, I don’t believe it should be undertaken to change the neighbor, but only to heal your own rage. And if it does change the neighbor, that’s a wonderful and very possible outcome. But nothing guarantees that.
Barbara: Precisely. If there’s any part of the intention that maybe this will work and the neighbor will move the dock, then … . you’ve just got to be clear, at least for now, for this summer the dock is just going to be wherever it’s going to be, and I’m just going to watch my response to it and I’m going to be, each time that any anger arises in me I’m going to let that anger be transformed into lovingkindness. And just, what Aaron suggested, I sent Q an email, but the ideas came out of my talk with Aaron about it. He said, … why don’t I let Aaron talk about this directly.
Aaron: I am Aaron. Each of you at some level has a fear that your needs will not be met, that you’ll be hurt. It touches you in different ways. Some of you can be so generous about so many things and yet in one small area of your life there is contraction. For example, I would highly conjecture, Q, that if this man did not have trees between your properties, and if this man’s children played football or catch, and their game ran over onto your yard on occasion, it would not trouble you at all. You would simply see the children playing. I think that there’s such contraction about it because it is such a premeditated selfishness.
We have talked about the ways that we recoil most against those patterns in others that we are most sensitive to what we think of as possible of in ourselves. This doesn’t mean that you are greedy, it means that you are afraid of your own greed and grasping. They are discomforting to you. You condemn them.
By way of example, if you know that you are very, very patient, you may find another person’s impatience unpleasant, but it’s just impatience. You look at what is beautiful about that person and you notice their impatience with tolerance. If their impatience comes too frequently and forcefully, you may decide not to be with them very much. But still it doesn’t arouse deep emotion in you.
But when they mirror a quality that you are afraid of in yourself, the situation is different. Let us pretend hypothetically that impatient thoughts often come up in you. You never act them out, you are the model of patience, but part of the reason that you are the model of patience is because you keep these negative impatient thoughts under such strict control. Somebody else’s impatience then is very, very threatening to you.
So what I would ask you to do then is to begin to look deeply at that in yourself which really understands this thing, that in yourself, which, if you did not stay very conscious and aware but lapsed into the unconsciousness in which he dwells, really could act in similar grasping, greedy ways that are harmful to others. Look deeply at how repugnant that is to you. In forgiving him, you forgive yourself. And in forgiving yourself, you forgive him. You no longer need to act out those feelings. He still does. Can you forgive him for that also?
This, then, is the major part of it, the possibility for healing this in yourself. My conjecture is that by the time it really is healed, where seeing his dock there is simply a reminder for compassion for you both, and it no longer arouses strong feelings of any sort, at that point he will probably move away or move his dock. But it won’t matter much to you at that point.
We come to the other side of this question which this instrument raised. I have said repeatedly that from this place of deep compassion and clarity, you still must say no, because to let another being walk over you, use you as a doormat, is harmful to both you and to them. I stand by that statement. But before you can say no in that way, there must be the space of clarity from which the no comes. If you say no from a place of fear and anger, you’re simply participating in the whole situation of fear and anger.
Certainly it depends on the kind of situation. If you are in a relationship with someone who is very verbally or physically abusive, and if you are deeply afraid, discomforted, saddened, by their actions, before you have clarity you still may need to say no, simply to remove yourself from the situation because so much harm is being done. If you felt that to be your situation here, yes, you could elect to move away. So you need to look at each situation independently and assess it.
Here is a situation that allows for patience, allows you to just be there and learn. I would liken this much more to living with somebody who is self-indulgent, selfish and thoughtless, than living with somebody who is violent and deeply abuses you. So in this kind of situation you can take the time to find that clarity in yourself. However, you also are saying no in a different way. You must be very clear when you bring him a first gift: you are not apologizing. You are not saying, “I’m sorry I blocked the way; of course you can put the dock in anywhere.” You are making it clear, “I do still disagree with where you put your dock, but we are neighbors. This is really a trivial matter. I want us not to wage a war out here in this place, where we both come to be at peace and enjoy ourselves. We don’t have to be close friends but I want us to feel a general liking rather than antipathy toward one another. I don’t want to be angry when I see you and I don’t want you to be angry when you see me. It doesn’t make our life enjoyable. So let us end this conflict between us.”
This is a different way of saying no. You’re choosing your fight. You’re not saying no to the dock, you’re saying no to the ongoing hostility. The matter of ongoing hostility is more important at this time than the dock. You are refusing to participate any further in that ongoing hostility. He has pulled you into it. The dock is just a symptom. If it wasn’t the dock it would be something else. You’re making the decision, “I’m not going to be pulled into this hostility any more.” Then, you look for the antidote.
Last month I suggested an antidote for anger is in giving to the person at whom you are angry. We were talking about it in terms of the overbearing boss, what one might do for that being. In what ways can you be of service to that being? To really be kind and be helpful? It might not change them but it will change you. So here’s a perfect example of a situation where that would work.
If you decide to do this, Q, I would suggest that you do a good deal of lovingkindness meditation first. I gather you have at least several weeks before the time when you begin to see this neighbor in a regular way. Simply sit with his energy with a formal lovingkindness meditation. Begin with a loved person, looking deeply into that person, seeing the ways they’ve suffered and wishing them well. Then do the same thing for yourself. And then bring up the difficult person, this neighbor. Contemplate, reflect on, the kinds of fears and pains he may have suffered which have made him so frightened and greedy, so unable to hear another. Reflect on the way he must suffer because of the way he cuts himself off from others, that through his greed he cannot give and connect in ways that are deeply meaningful and joyful. You’re not reflecting here that you’re better than he is, you allow to arise in you a real sense of sorrow for this being, and a heartfelt wish, “May you be free of suffering. May you learn what it means to give and receive. May your heart open and flower. May you love and be loved. May you be happy.”
I would work with that practice in depth for several weeks. See what blocks your heart, what blocks the offering of such wishes. You must also work with yourself. As I said, start with a loved person, then yourself and then your neighbor. You wish yourself the same things: may I be happy, may I love and be loved, may I live in connection with my neighbor. I pause.
Q: In doing that metta, at first it may most probably not be a heartfelt loving wish. The wishes are very formal; even if you don’t feel loving or even kindly at first, it’s okay. It’s okay just to wish those wishes. And if it’s too hard to wish them to the neighbor himself at first, pick the child who likes you and work with that child, and then with another one of his children, or someone in the family who is easier. Work your way into the process. It’s a long process. It doesn’t have to be long but it will take however long it takes. It pays to work gently into it.
Barbara: Thank you, Q. It’s important not to demand of yourself that your heart be opened, but Aaron is saying at the same time, you do ask of yourself just to look deeply into him. And you find the place where the heart IS open to him. It doesn’t mean the anger is gone, but you find the place where there really is compassion.
Q: I see so clearly how he represents a part of myself.
Barbara: Aaron says, he is “yeast for the bread.” Aaron says there will come a point where you can bring him cinnamon buns or a rosebush with a real sense of gratitude that he’s living there for all he’s teaching you!
(group comments omitted)
Q: It becomes like the man who was kicking you (talking to Barbara) in front of the nuclear plant. At first it might truly escalate the violence. People who are that angry do not necessarily want your friendship and kindness. That is very confusing and very terrifying. Probably he will expect dynamite in the rosebush, or some plot against him.
Another piece is that before you take any gift to the neighbor, you need to see clearly the truth of it. That does have to come from a very true place in yourself.
Barbara: Aaron says that’s why he’s suggesting that you work with lovingkindness first. Take it to a point where you’re ready to bring this gift. He says, remember the gift is not a statement that the dock is okay but a statement, “Our enmity to one another is not okay and I want to take whatever steps are necessary to end that.” And he says, that’s a truth that you do feel.
Q: I’m feeling really humbled by all your responses. Thank you.
Barbara: You’re welcome. Will you please give us feedback?
(group comments omitted)
Q: Coming back to Q’s question regarding prayer, during this retreat and the few weeks immediately preceding it, the results of which have been very, very powerful, in it, throughout it (the retreat), I found myself in a constant mode of prayer and listening. I felt I had several of my guides very present. Received much clarity on very old core issues. I am curious in learning where the insights were actually coming from, my higher self and/or these guides?
Barbara: Aaron asks, does it matter?
Q: No, it does not. Aaron has said to me previously, I have this wisdom, I do not need to look outside myself for these answers. Yet in my deep intention to serve love light for good of all, and have spirit work through me, as I speak, perhaps spirit is all, not just my spirit but all spirit.
Barbara: Let Aaron talk.
Aaron: I am Aaron. I hear your question, Q. I would precede my answer by the statement that sometimes I give what seems to be contradicting advice to one person and the next person. Or even to one of you today or last week or next week. If you’re walking with me down the road and person A starts to move off to the right, I say, “Move left! Move left!” Person B meanwhile is falling off the road on the right and I say, “Move right! Move right!” If person A whom I told to move left goes too far left, then the next week I’m going to say, “Move right!” People say Aaron, why can’t you make up your mind?
It is not that I can’t make up my mind, it’s that you’re staggering. I’m trying to get you, to help you get balanced.
Q, the distortion which you originally carried in you was to seek answers out there rather than trusting your own deep wisdom. And so I told you all the answers are in you. My hope was to help you connect more deeply, not only to connect more deeply with your own wisdom, not only to trust that wisdom but be willing to accept responsibility for it. You’ve done that. And you are relatively balanced here. It’s not that it’s not useful to seek outside of yourself, because of course you do have spirit guides and they are of help to you. It’s that you do not have to cling to finding such guidance. So I think now you’re back in the middle of the road and yes, it’s useful both to access your own deepest wisdom and to hear your guides.
When you ask, “Where is it coming from? How do we as guides impart wisdom to you?” let us say that you had the impulse to take a long trek across the ice, and I, as the guide, knew that the ice was thin in places. The way I teach is not to sit you down and lecture you and say, “Now you pay attention. The ice is thin.” I simply bring you to the ice and let you watch various beings fall through. It’s your own wisdom that says, “Ah, the ice is thin. I had best walk around the lake and not push my way across it.”
So what I do is simply to open the door to that wisdom, to ask you to stop in the appropriate places and look deeply so that you may have the opportunity to connect with your own wisdom. This is what your guides do for you, sometimes more through verbal means, sometimes by inviting you to be more present in certain experiences that you had rushed through before.
I cannot answer you, then, when you ask, where is this wisdom coming from? It’s always coming from yourself. But contact with your guides certainly does make it much easier. And as I suggested in my response to Q, your asking is a vital part of it because when you ask for help, then the guide understands, “Q doesn’t want to fall through the ice any more. He’s had enough of that experience. He’s ready not to need to keep falling through holes in the ice. And so I’m going to help him see that there’s a way around it and help him see the resultant condition movement between putting a weight on the ice that is weak and falling through. And then he, of his own free will, will make wiser decisions.”
That poem: “I walked down a street. There was a hole in the sidewalk. I fell in … ” Your own wisdom leads you to walk down a different street. Your guides help lead you to the experiences which you have said through your prayers and meditation that you are ready for.